Pillars of Sand
by EverllarkPony
Summary: Nothing is as it seems. Old faces come new again, only to leave once again. Good turned evil, evil turned good. The Rebellion has begun. A Post-CF fic where Katniss is captured, only to be rescued a few weeks later. She must fight against the current, but with Coin against her and the emotional trauma, can she keep her head above the water? Many plot twists. Everllark.
1. Gone

**Peeta's POV**

"What do you mean she's not here!" I yell at him.

"Like I said, she's not here," Haymitch says."The Capitol took her. The execution is in three weeks."

"But we're going to get her out, right?" I ask.

"Of course, she's the Mockingjay," Haymitch replies. "We're busting her out at her execution, it's the only chance we've got."

"I can't believe you let them take her," I spit. Haymitch's next comment fills me with guilt.

"I can't believe you let her out of your sight."

**Katniss' POV**

I'm held up and painfully stretched by chains in the middle of a rose scented room. The peacekeepers enter, demanding me for information I don't have. When I tell them honestly that I know nothing about the rebellion or District 13, they rip my clothes off and whip me. To make it worse, they rub salt in the lash marks. I will not allow them the pleasure of my screams, tears or even my voice. I don't even look at them. I just stare at the clock, praying that Peeta isn't undergoing what I am.

After 50 lashes or so, I'm unchained and locked in a tank of water. They pump electricity through the water and despite my best efforts I unleash a scream. The pain is blinding and I start to see stars. Right before I black out I'm pulled out. I gasp for air, filling my lungs with it hastily. Then they shut me back in the tank and the horror starts again. Hour after hour after hour this repeats until at last I'm brought back to my cell and I fall asleep of the cold, moldy floor.

Always. The word hits me with the forever of a freight train. Always. What Peeta told me that cold winter night when I begged him to stay with me. Always. He promised to always stay with me but I can't help but hope that he's not here, that he's somewhere safe.

His screams fill my cell, and I silently pray that they aren't really his, but a JabberJay's instead. Soon peacekeepers fill my prison and drag me into yet another cold, white room that smells of roses. Today I'm strapped to a chair while peacekeepers throw darts at me, deciding who has the best aim. After a bit of that they leave the room and unleash hundreds of mice with razor sharp teeth that climb of me and eat my flesh. In the background I can here Peeeta's screams and I'm confused when they stop.

His voice rings out clear and free of pain "You can kill me, but the rebellion will live. One way or another you will fall, Snow."

Then the shot of a gun rings out and everything goes quiet.

**Peeta's POV**

I hate myself. While I'm here in district 13, Katniss is in the Capitol, apparently being tortured in ways that our spy said were best not to be disclosed. I've moved in with my family because I somehow made it out of the arena with nothing but a sprained wrist. I'm thin though, so I get quite large portions at meals. I barley have any appetite though, so I give my two brothers, Ry and Marco, half of my meal.

Three days after the Quell Haymitch sits next to me at lunch. "They're interviewing her tonight at 7:30. Be in Command by then," he says. I nod and take a bite of whatever that green mush on my plate is. "We got some more info from our spy, says they've finally given her a quarter cup of water today, still no food though. Apparently they've taken the torture up a notch," Haymitch says.

"Up a notch?" I reply, sliding my mostly full bowl over to Ry.

"Yes, up a notch. Something about mutts?" Haymitch says. I can't do this. A tear slides down my cheek. I can't do this, Katniss was always the strong one. She was my foundation, my light. She was my life.

**Katniss' POV**

Always. I've just been thrown back in my cell after the muttation mice did their work and I dip my finger in the large pool of blood I made. I swirl it around, wishing my throbbing headache would go away. "Rest up, Ms. Everdeen, you have an interview tonight," the guard says. I pick up my now bloodied finger and begin to decorate the walls. I start with a verse of The Hanging Tree.

_Are you, are you, coming to the tree,_

_Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me_

_Strange things did happen there no stranger it would be,_

_If we met up at midnight In the hanging tree_

Then with the remainder of the space I write the same word, over and over and over. _Always._

**Peeta's POV**

"I don't get why you care so much about that seam rat," my mother says. Bless her heart, she's actually quite a nice person if you're merchant stock, but have a drop of seam in you and she hates you.

"She's half merchant," I reply, running a comb through my hair.

"But she's still a seam rat!" she exclaims.

"I love her mom," I reply, standing up "I love her more than life itself."

I walk out the door and make my way to command. I arrive at 7:30 sharp and the only one missing is Haymitch. Just as the television comes to life Haymitch bursts in and plunks down in a chair. Coin glares icily at him before our attention is directed back to the screen.

Katniss is dressed in a short, strapless dress that's a dark matte grey . Caesar introduces her but all I can concentrate on is how horrible she looks. She's stick thin, there are bags under her eyes and their are bloody teeth marks over most of her body. You can see some of the bone of her right ankle. There are bruises and lash marks too, but most hauntingly are her eyes, they once held a fire big enough to burn a forest to the ground but now look empty and even insane.

She vaguely smiles at Caesar and he asks how her stay in the Capitol has been. She sarcastically replies "Fabulous."

"If you could say one thing to Peeta, what would it be?" Caesar asks.

"That I love him," she said without hesitating "Really and truly, and I'd ask him to stay with me, and he'd say Always, it's actually that one word, always, that's been keeping me sane. I've painted it all over my cell."

"They gave you paint?" Ceaser asks "That's awfully nice of us! I bet we're the only people who would do that." the crowd cheers in support.

"They didn't give me paint," Katniss says.

"Then what did you write with?" he asks curiously.

She replies with an insane smile. "My blood."

Everyone in the room is horrified. Correction, everyone but Coin. Katniss really wrote that?

"Oh, uh, umm..." Caesar stutters, trying to find a comeback.

"Peeta," Katniss shrieks "If you're alive you're not safe! They're bombing 13!" a murderous scream fills the air and the camera points down, showing her blood running all over the floor.

**Haymitch's POV**

The TV clicks off and Peeta loses it. He throws his chair across the room, screaming and cursing. Coin presses a few buttons and medics come in and sedate Peeta. Sirens go off and a pleasant female voice instructs us to calmly make our way to the bomb shelters. I chuckle and slowly go to the bottom level.

**Katniss POV**

President snow has had it. For the remainder of my time in the Capitol, the torture literally never stops and is more intense than ever. I'm stabbed, two of my toes cut off, I'm lightly poisoned, glass is thrown at me, the list goes on. When the day of my execution comes, I'm relived. I have to be carried onto the steps of snow's mansion I'm so weak and the restraint straps are the only thing holding me up. During President Snow's speech however, everything goes haywire.

Gale appears from the crowd and breaks my straps off and grabs me. He runs with me in his arms and we board a hovercraft filled with peacekeepers. They're armed with guns pointed at me and I beg for them not to hurt me. Then everything goes black.

When I wake up I'm staring into a pair of familiar blue eyes.

"Prim," I say "Prim, is Peeta alive?"

"He's alive," Prim says "And we're all safe, we're in District Thirteen."

"I want to see Peeta," I say. Prim smiles and leaves, peacekeepers flood the room with Peeta in front. "Peeta!" I screech "Peeta don't let them hurt me!" Peeta rushes to my side, talking soothingly and the peacekeepers turn into nurses? "They're not peacekeepers," I whisper.

"That's right," Peeta says soothingly "They're nurses, you don't have to be afraid, you're safe.

" I start to sob into his chest "Please Peeta, don't let them hurt me ever again," I sob.

"I won't, don't worry," he says.

"I love you," I say, looking into his eyes. He smiles as he brings his lips to mine.

"I love you too."

**Peeta's POV**

I burst into the observation room where Haymitch is. "What in the name of all things holy did they do to her?" I ask him loudly.

"I don't know," he says.

"It must've been bad." I say "She was sobbing into my chest, begging for me not to let the Capitol do that again! She never cries!"

"I know," is all Haymitch says. I force my anger down and calmly walk back into her room.

I pick up Katniss' bony body and put her in the wheelchair. I push her to the cafeteria and wheel her over to the Odair/Cresta/Everdeen/Hawthorne/ Mason/Mellark/Albernathy table and pick up our food.

I walk back to our table and set a large glass of water and a tiny tray of food in front of her. She picks up her knife and turns it possessively over in her hands as if she's contemplating something. I gently pry it from her hands and set it out of her reach.

It's slightly funny how fast she gulps down the water until Gale asks;

"How often did they give you water?"

She shrugs and says "Every few days."

"How often did they feed you?" Prim asks.

"They didn't," Katniss answers, taking a bite of corn. She smiles at the taste. A mouse appears and scurries behind Katniss. She starts to tremble and curls up in a ball, her hands over her ears. "Please not again," she whispers. I touch her and she flinches.

"Katniss," I say "Katniss you're safe, what you're seeing isn't really there, Katniss will you look at me?" she lifts her head, trembling, and grabs onto me, trying not to cry. She fails. Soon, she's sobbing into my arms and I'm whispering sweet things in her ear. My mother gets up, muttering under her breath, and leaves.

"Sorry," Katniss says once she composed herself "When I was in the Capitol they had these awful genetically altered mice that they would let loose once they strapped me down and they would eat my flesh and climb on me, and whenever they touched me it would burn really badly, and would stay that way for hours. I saw the mouse and thought I was back in the Capitol for a moment."

"What else did they do to you?" Gale asks.

"Trust me," Katniss replies, "You really don't want to know."

"I really do," Gale said "Did they whip you?"

"Of course," Katniss replies as if it is the most ovbius thing in the world. "That was actually the first thing they did. Rubbed salt in the lash marks too." My brothers look disgusted at this.

"How many lashes?" Finnick asks

"I dunno, around fifty." she answers. Gale, who has undergone a whipping himself, winces.

"What else?" Prim asks.

"They used me as a dart board, cut off two of my toes, stabbed me, threw glass on me, stuff like that. The bad part was that after my interview, it never stopped. Literally, they just went on and on, hour after hour, day after day, 24/7 torture." Katniss says "I really don't want to talk about the bad stuff though."

"There was stuff worse than that?" I ask, my voice trembling a little.

"Yeah," she says softly, looking at the ground.

Prim rushes over and hugs her. "Did you really write stuff in your own blood?" Rory asks.

"Yeah," Katniss replies with a shrug. My father gets up and leaves, my brothers following.

"Sorry, Brainless," Johanna says "Nobody deserves that."

Katniss shrugs and says without a drop of self pity in her voice "It's fine."

"It's not," Haymitch says. Katniss looks at him like he just grew another head.

"It really isn't," Gale says "You're my best friend and you're like a sister to me, the Capitol can't get away with this!" When Katniss finish her rice she replies, her voice dangerously low.

"They're not."

**Katniss' POV**

When Peeta and I finish lunch, I'm exhausted. I can't even really sit up, I'm just slouched in my wheelchair. Peeta notices and picks up our trays. I'm having a little trouble keeping my food down so I'm doubly relived when he dosen't take any detours on the way back.

On the way back to the elevator we pass my family's compartment and I see my mother in the doorway...kissing Haymitch?

"Close the door!" I yell, actually, more correctly,try to yell, it comes out quiet, hoarse and cracked. Peeta is laughing his head off and my mother is blushing. Haymitch just glares and shuts the door with a bang. I laugh, which hurts so much I end up moaning quietly, though I try to cover it up.

Finnick and Annie walk by and Finnick asks "What's so funny?"

I reply , "Peeta and I were going to the elevator and we saw my mother and Haymitch kissing!" I say, laughing again but stoping when I remember how much it hurts.

Finnick bursts out laughing and Annie giggles. Gale lives next to Prim and my mom and he shows up with Rory on his tail.

"What's up?" he asks

"Haymitch... And Katniss' mother... Were kissing!" Peeta gets out between laughter. Gale and Rory join in and Prim shows up too. She arches her left eyebrow questioningly and I, being the only one not with tears of laughter in my eyes, explain. Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. Then she bursts out laughing, and soon she's legitimately rolling on the floor laughing. A very mad Haymitch storms out and Peeta rolls me into the elevator. Before we're even on the hospital floor, I'm fast asleep.

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss is so beautiful when she's asleep. Heck, I may as well just admit it, she's beautiful all the time. I push her into her room and gently place her on the bed. I cover her with a blanket and write a quick note explaining that I went to training and that I'll pick her up for dinner. At the bottom I write "always, Peeta."

**Katniss' POV**

When I wake up, I have a throbbing headache and unintentionally moan. A nurse appears, and to my surprise it's Prim. I'm rubbing my head, trying to get it to stop hurting so much.

"Headache?" Prim asks softly. I nod and she says "You have a pretty nasty concussion," as she turns down the blinding light down to a soft glow and hands me two white pills and a glass of water.

She makes a note on my chart and I say "Thanks, little duck."

she smiles and says "I'll see you in half an hour for dinner, okay?"

"'K" I reply. She leaves and I doze back off.

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss is screaming and thrashing when I walk into her room. I turn the light up and shake her. "Leave... Him... Alone!" she yells "Peeta dosen't know anything! Put me in the tank instead!"

"Katniss!" I say, shaking her harder as nurses flood the room "Katniss wake up, you're dreaming!" her eyes fly open and she's briefly terrified but she relaxes when she realizes its just me.

"They" she pants, trying to catch her breath "They had you, they were gonna put you in the tank!" I'm about to ask her what "the tank" is, but she kisses me. And behind her kiss is so much pain, so much loss and so much longing that when we break away I whisper in her ear

"It's going to be okay, we're both fine," she nods and I notice that all the nurses except Prim have left the room.

Prim unhooks Katniss' IV and holds it while I move Katniss into her wheelchair. Prim clips the IV on and says to Katniss "I'll meet you in the cafeteria as soon as I change." Katniss nods and I push her out of her room.

We talk about her mother and Haymitch and I tell her about how much time they've been spending together.

Katniss says "They knew each other before Haymitch's games."

"They did?" I ask, confused

"Yes," she says "She, my father, Haymitch and Maysille used to go on double dates together."

"Huh," I say as we enter the cafeteria.

I push katniss up to the table and come back with our food. By the time I'm back, prim is walking through the door. I sit down as close as I physically can to Katniss and Ry teases "Gee, bro, clingy girlfriends are kinda cute, but you're being a clingy boyfriend and that's just wrong!" everyone laughs, especially Haymitch, and I blushingly scoot away from Katniss. Katniss' mother suddenly speaks.

"Haymitch and I are getting married!"

Katniss starts choking on her water and my spoon falls out of my hand.

Johanna laughs and says "Ha ha that was a good one you almost had me there for a second!" then she realizes that they're serious and says incrudously"Oh, god, you're really serious?"

Finnick ignores Johanna's comment and says "Congrats! Annie and I are getting married too!"

"Congrats guys!" Katniss says, nodding her head to both of the happy couples. I smile and offer congratulations.

Katniss seems tired so I finish my dinner quickly. I pick up our trays and push Katniss back to our room. I put her in her bed, pull the blanket over her and turn to leave but she grabs my hand. "Stay by me," she whispers. As I slide in next to her, I reply.

"Always."

**Katniss POV**

I have seven nightmares that night. It took Peeta a lot longer than normal to calm me down too. I feel sorry for him, come morning we both have bags under our eyes.

Peeta sets me in my wheelchair and pushes me into the cafeteria -agian-. Gale, the only one at our table asks "Long night?"

I nod and say "nightmares." he nods and takes a bite of oatmeal. Peeta comes back and sets my now slightly larger tray in front of me and I dig in greedily. Gale and Peeta notice how fast I'm eating they both spoon some of their oatmeal into my bowl. "You know that's probably illegal," I say, taking a bite.

"Like the law has ever meant anything to us," Gale snorts. I laugh, but stop with a wince.

Gale finishes his oatmeal and Haymitch shows up with my mother. "Coin wants you three in her office NOW," he says. I eat the last bite of my oatmeal and Peeta takes all three of our trays. Gale pushes me but Peeta takes over halfway through.

"You three and a few others are leaving for Nine to make a speech and visit the wounded at 6 o'clock sharp tonight. You are excused from all your assigned duties today to pack. That is all," Coin says, waving us out of her office "Oh, and Ms. Everdeen? You've been moved into your family's compartment."

"Thank you," I say as Peeta pushes me out.

Gale offers to push me back and I thank him. Peeta gives me a goodbye kiss and Gale pushes me to my family's compartment. "I am going to be the happiest person in the world when i can get out of this stupid chair," I grumble.

Prim, who was walking out the door, says "I actually convinced the hospital to let you use a cane instead of the chair this morning."

"Yes!" I exclaim in a show of uncharacteristic joy. Then something hits me. "Why do I need a cane?"

"You lost two of your toes, that'll set your balance off quite a bit," Prim explains.

Prim hands me the cane and I grab it eagerly. I stand up, take a step towards the door, and fall flat on my face. Prim giggles and Gale laughs. I scowl and Gale helps me up. I manage to walk into my compartment and open the dresser. I find my clothes and shove them in a plastic bag. After some debate I put the pearl Peeta gave me in too.

"How'd that get here?" I ask myself.

"I have no clue," Beetee says from the open doorway "Come on down to weapons with me, I have a surprise for you! Or at least, I hope. We picked up a man that we found in the woods, he says he knows you?" I frown. I don't know anybody who would be wandering the woods, well, not a man. A friend of Bonnie and Twill's maybe? It takes fifteen minutes to get to weapons because I have to stop and rest several times. When we finally get there I'm not prepared to face the man who stands before me.


	2. Tattered Memory

**Peeta's POV **

"Peeta Mellark to weapons STAT please, Ms. Everdeen needs you. I repeat, Peeta Mellark to weapons STAT. " the voice comes out of the speakers and I fly down the stairs to weapons. I burst through the door and find Beetee and a strange man that looks vaguely familiar trying to calm a hysteric Katniss.

"Peeta!" she screams "Peeta run! Don't let them catch you! RUN!" I embrace her and hold her tight while reminding her that we're all safe, and that what she's seeing isn't real. She calms down and starts to shiver violently.

"Are you cold?" I ask her. I don't wait for an answer, I just take off my grey sweater and put it on her. She snuggles closer to me before composing herself. I grab her cane and hand it to her before helping her up. She examines the strange man before asking him

"Is it really you?"

"Yes, Kitty Kat, it's me," he says with a smile. Then it hits me why the man is familiar, I've seen him in a photograph before, it was a photograph of Katniss' father.

**Katniss' POV**

I'm embracing my father, and I'm starting to make those embarrassing choking noises I make before I sob. Beetee clears his throat and asks "I'm assuming you know each other?"

I laugh, which again ends up making me feel like someone stabbed me, and say "Yes, this is my father, I thought he died in a mine explosion but..." I trail off.

"I still have two more surprises for you," Beetee says with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Really?" I ask, intrigued. He hands me a bow and I gasp. It's beautiful, with mockingjays and fire painted and carved all over. And from behind me another voice that I thought I would never hear again says

"Hey, Girl On Fire."

"Cinna!" I exclaim hugging him briefly "I thought you were dead!"

He laughs and says "The Capitol took me, and started to whip me, but after two lashes the rebels burst me out."

"Did they use the salt covered whip?" I ask.

He shakes his head "No. I heard them discuss it though."

"Can I try out the bow?" I ask BeeTee.

"Over here," Beetee says with a smile. He hands me a full quiver and throws a stuffed elephant in the air. I release an arrow and Peeta smiles.

"Right in the eye."

BeeTee starts throwing up a bunch of paper airplanes and I hit them all.

My father asks "How'd ya get so good with a bow?"

I smile and say "I put food on the table for five years and survived two Hunger Games; I've learned how to take care of paper airplanes."

my father freezes. "What? Two Hunger Games?" He asks.

I reply "Sit down, it's a long story." we all sit down on a bench and Peeta, BeeTee and I explain the entire story, and I learn some about the war.

I look at the clock when Peeta's stomach growls. "Crap," I say, it's 5:30 and we have to be at the hovercraft porthole at 6. "Peeta we have to be at the porthole at 6

he throws me over his shoulder, literally, and says "Bye! See you later!"

I grab my bow and yell "Peeta Bread Mellark! Put me down!" he sighs and sets me down once we've reached the elevator. "I'll pick you up at your compartment in five minutes okay?" I nod and limp to my compartment. I grab my toothbrush, shove it in my bag, and Peeta walks in. "Ready?" he asks. I nod and we make our way to the porthole hand in hand.

We make it there at 5:57 and a commander named Boggs, Johanna, Gale and Haymitch are already there. Finnick arrives at 5:59 and we're on our way at 6:00 on the dot. The trip to Nine takes about two and a half hours and I nap with my head in Peeta's lap while he plays with the bottom of my braid.

We arrive at Nine's hospital we all visit the wounded, Peeta never taking his arm from around me. I'm quite glad too, I'm not too steady on my feet and my head is pounding.

Boggs looks at the sky and yells "Everybody out! There's an incoming bombing!" I grab the immobile little girl I was talking to and Limp out as quickly as I can. "Get to the warehouse!" Boggs yells over the commotion.

I shove the invalid little girl I was visiting in to Peeta's arms and tell him ,"Run."

"I'm not leaving you," he replies.

"Go," I order "Now! Take her and make sure she's safe, I have to shoot the hovercraft, go now!" he obeys and runs into the warehouse. I notch an arrow with an explosive tip on my bow and shoot the gas tank of a Capitol hovercraft. I repeat this over and over and over until there's only one left. Before I can shoot it though, it deposits a small bomb at my feet.

I shoot the hovercraft down and run as fast as I can away from the bomb, but I'm not fast enough and the blast knocks me to my feet. I hit my head on the pavement and the world turns sparkly and starts to spin. I can vaguely make out Peeta running towards me and I feel him pick me up as I puke.

"That was stupid," he scolds as he runs into the warehouse. I open my mouth to reply but I can't seem to catch my breath. I start coughing and as the world stops spinning so fast I can see the look of horror on Peeta's face. It takes me a moment to figure out why he's so scared until I cough again and see the blood from my mouth sprays his face. He sets me down on the floor and I start coughing uncontrollably. Time slows as my muscles begin to spasm.

Then everything goes black.

**Katniss' POV **

When I wake up, a very concerned Peeta is looking down at me. "Hey," I croak, sitting up, which makes me very dizzy, but I ignore it. We're still in the warehouse and I ask "Any more hovercraft?"

Boggs says "No."

Peeta puts his arm around me and whispers in my ear "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," I whisper so only he can hear.

"You were out for an hour," he breathes so only I can hear "Boggs called Coin and tried to convince her that you needed to go back to Thirteen but she refused. You're making a speech in thirty minutes, Haymitch will feed you your lines."

"Okay." I quietly reply, snuggling into his chest. He hugs me close and kisses me. Finnick whistles. I blush tomato red and inch away from Peeta.

"Anyone for poker?" Johanna asks, pulling a deck of cards from her pocket.

We all play for half an hour poker before Haymitch shoves a wire down my ear, gives me a megaphone, and pushes me onto the front steps. I repeat the speech Haymitch gives me and wait for them to react. They all cheer, and then we board the hovercraft and leave. I fall asleep before we're even off the ground.

**Peeta's POV**

Midway durning the ride back, Katniss suddenly sits upright and starts coughing up blood again. She stops coughing after a few minutes and I'm relieved until I see the steady stream of blood pouring from her mouth. Haymitch notices and runs over, literally running over Boggs in the process. Gale, having heard Boggs get run over, turns his head up from his card game and rushes over too. I'm telling Katniss that she'll be alright, Haymitch is trying to stop the bleeding and Gale is yelling at the pilot to go faster.

Boggs says "Hit it, Altheus, the girl'l die if you don't."

"We'll be at high risk for crashing if I do, Commander," Altheus, a man with a bushy red beard ,replies.

"I'm well aware." Boggs says. Altheus pushes a lever several notches forward and we take off. Then there's a loud snap and the hovercraft plummets to the ground.


	3. Unfamiliar Deja Vu

**Peeta's POV**

Downwards, downwards we plummet. I brace myself for impact and try to make a shield out of my body so that Katniss won't get anymore injured than she already is. The hovercraft crashes to the ground and wedges itself in the earth diagonally.

"Is everybody alright?" Boggs ask. Everybody says they're fine, except Altheus. Everybody looks him, pinned under wreckage, and gasps. If he's alive, he hasn't got long. Boggs walks over and places two fingers on Altheus' neck. "Dead," he announces quietly. Katniss places three fingers to her lips and holds them out to him. Gale, Haymitch and I follow suit. Boggs stares at us like we're insane, Johanna refrains from commenting how stupid we look, and after debating for a moment, Finnick places three fingers of his right hand to his lips and holds them out to him.

"Wrong hand," Katniss says quietly, the coughing having subsided enough to talk. Finnick quickly changes hands.

"What does it mean?" Boggs asks.

"It means admiration and a final good-bye," Haymitch explains.

Boggs nods slightly and says "We better be on our way, if my calculations are correct we have about a week's journey back to Thirteen. Grab anything useful and we'll go."

Katniss starts hacking up more blood and we all exchange grave glances. I can feel her loosing consciousness as more and more bloods pours out. Her chest heaves and a large amount of blood comes out of her mouth, and then she collapses. I check her pulse, and am relived when I find one, although it's weak and her breathing shallow.

It takes three and a half days for her to wake up. She wakes up one night while we're all talking around the fire. Her head is in my lap and I'm playing with her hair, and Boggs is telling a hilarious story about President Coin putting salt in her coffee.

Katniss starts to stir and her eyes flutter open. "Hey," she says, smiling. I smile back

"How do you feel?" I ask her gently.

"I'm fine," she replies "How long was I out?"

"Three and a half days," Gale says from across our small campfire.

"What!" she exclaims, bolting upright, and it's obvious that it makes her almost puke. "I should go hunting," she says as she grabs a stick.

"I grabbed your bow and quiver, but BeeTee made the bow so it folded up into a box and only unfolds when you say your name so I've been hunting with my gun, which scares all the animals off." Gale says, tossing her the folded bow.

"Katniss Everdeen," She says, and the bow came to life. She kisses my cheek, which makes me blush, and walks off, even though she's obviously dizzy.

"Have fun?"

**Katniss POV **

I feel like crap, but I've been worse. I walk off and try to walk as straight as the spinning world will allow. Once I can no longer see the camp, I notch an arrow on my bow.

I shoot a squirrel through the eye and a small pack of wild dogs come, attracted by the scent of blood. I shoot three in the heart, although one scratches my arm before dying. I've been out hunting for an hour and a half and judging by the moon it's about eleven thirty so I grab the squirrel and the dogs and head back to camp.

"Hey," I say, flopping down.

"Nice," Gale admires, turning the largest of the dogs over before beginning to skin and gut it.

"Yeah, whole pack of them," I say I take one and begin to clean it too.

"You eat wild dog?" Finnick asks, disgusted.

"Yeah," I reply with a shrug. "Most people and Twelve have had it one time or another. It's good."

"None of the merchants ate it," Peeta says thoughtfully.

"You've had it," I reply.

"No I haven't," he says.

I say, "Yeah you have, did you really think that the meat in Greasy Sae's beef stew was really beef?" Peeta's eyes go wide and we all laugh at his reaction.

"What happened to your arm?" Peeta asks.

I shrug "The little one got me before he went down, no biggie." he grabs a canteen and drizzles a little water on it. "I wouldn't waste water," I say, thinking of my first games when I nearly died of dehydration.

"I'm just cleaning your arm, besides it's gonna rain soon," he says. As if on cue, lighting strikes in the distance.

"We should all probably go to bed," Boggs says "We've got another long day tomorrow."

A chill wind sets in and we all nod. Peeta unzips his jacket and I go inside of it with him, rolling over so my face is buried in his neck, just like in our first games. Haymitch chuckles at this and I glare at him. I take my bandana out my back pocket and gag myself so I won't wake the others with my screams during the night. I soon drift off into a restless sleep.

**Peeta's POV **

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is that my jacket is loose. I feel around, trying to find Katniss, but she's not there. I sit up groggily and see that she's sitting by the dying fire, drying a few rabbits so they'll last longer. I slowly get up and walk as quietly as I can up to her. I briefly consider trying to scare her by suddenly wrapping my arms around her, but decide it's probably not the best idea since she is technically 'Mentally Unstable'.

"Hey Peeta," she whispers so she won't wake the others up. I sit down next to her and start to skin a squirrel.

"You were up early," I observe quietly.

"Yeah," she whispers "Nightmares. And I'm just trying to make myself useful after being a burden for the past couple days."

"You wern't a burden," I lie.

"Stop lying, Peeta," she whispers.

I lean forward and kiss her on the lips so suddenly she drops the rabbit she was skinning. Her eyes grow wide for a moment then she closes them as I lean in. I must lean on her fragile form too hard and she topples over backwards so I'm on top of her. We lose track of time, savoring the irresistibly pleasant moment, now of which are far and few between.

"You two just never stop do you?" Haymitch asks. I quickly get off of Katniss, and I'm sure that I am cherry red. Katniss sits up, blushing and goes back to cleaning rabbits. I notice that the entire camp is up.

"Better pack up and get a move on," Boggs says

We all nod and Katniss puts the now dried game in the food bag while I pack up the few weapons we managed to save. Finnick's trident, Gales gun which he always carries, an axe, and a few small knives. Everybody finishes stuffing the small amount of supplies we have and we're on our way. Around two o'clock, I notice that Katniss seems tired so I scoop her up and carry her, despite her protests. She soon falls asleep and a few hours later we make camp. I gag her so she won't wake the others with her screams, it makes me feel bad, but we all need our rest, and she moves a lot during nightmares so I'll be able to calm her down.

The next morning, we come across a lake. The only way back to Thirteen is to swim across the short side.

"Swim?" everyone but Finnick and Johanna asks uncertainly when Boggs tells us this.

"It's the only way," Boggs says "Everybody strip down to bare minimum, the water's cold, And everybody who can swim while towing someone else, do so."

I strip down to my underwear and notice that Katniss is eyeing the water nervously. I walk over to her and help take her shirt off.

"It's okay, it's just water, plain simple water, there's no electricity running through it," I mummer softly to her. She nods and relaxes a little, taking her pants off and leaving her in only her under garments. It's then that I notice how thin she is, she's thinner than she was the day I gave her the bread. "It's gonna be alright," I tell her as I kiss her forehead.

Finnick saunters over. "Ready, Katniss? I'm gonna take you, and you'll be safe," he reassures. He's used to Annie Cresta, who won the 70th Hunger Games, and has issues with hallucinating dangers that aren't there too. I would take Katniss, but a can barely swim myself, so I'll be flying solo. I shove Katniss' clothes in a backpack with the others and put it on my back.

"Ready?" Boggs asks. We all nod and dive in. The water is freezing and I feel sorry for Katniss, who dosen't have any fat to insulate her. I desperately hope she dosen't catch anything. It's about 200 meters to the other side and soon we're all there, well, at least physically. Katniss is curled up in a ball with her hands over her ears, trembling and whispering

"Calm down it's not real, you're just insane, calm down."

I walk over to her as I pull my pants on. I mummer calmingly as I finish dressing and slowly she relaxes until at last she's calmed down enough to dress; though she's still trembling, whether from cold or fear I have no idea. I help her zip her jacket and tie her shoes while Finnick starts a fire. Katniss walks over and tries to help Finnick coax a flame out of the wood when suddenly theirs a snap and a monstrous mountain lion appears from the brush.

**Katniss POV **

"Katniss Everdeen," I say, and my bow springs to life. I hit the animal right in the heart and he falls down, dead before he can even lift a paw.

"You seriously just took down a mountain lion with a bow an arrow?" Finnick asks.

"Hey, I am the Girl On Fire after all," I say with a smirk.

Boggs examines the animal. "This isn't a normal mountain lion, look at it's feet!" we all examine it's feet, big paws with webbing in between it's six toes and four inch claws.

"Look at that too," Gale says, pointing to the animal's left flank. We all look and notice the tiny Capitol seal branded there.

"Mutt," Boggs speaks what we all had concluded.

"Better be on the lookout," Haymitch says "Mutts don't like to travel alone." we all nod and even Peeta can't think of a bright side to this change in events. Suddenly I feel as if I'm back in the arena, a place where the Capitol holds the dice. A glance at the other victors shows that they are having similar thoughts.

"We better head on," Boggs says after a moment, "We've made good time, if we keep up the pace we should make it to Thirteen tomorrow afternoon." We nod and head on after filling our water bottles, not daring to touch the mutt much less eat it. But I can't shake the feeling that we're still just pieces in the Capitol's game.

**Peeta's POV**

"Bob the annoyi-"

"MOO!"

We're sitting around the camp fire telling corny knock-knock jokes when Katniss starts to cough again. There's less blood than last time, but there's still a lot. I brush the hair out of her eyes and find that's she's burning with fever. Frowning, I put the back of my hand on her forehead. Still burning.

"You're burning up!" I say.

"You're imagining things," she says between coughs. Boggs reaches out and puts his hand on her head too.

"He's not," he says "Go lie down." Katniss gives a half sigh,half huff and grudgingly walks into the small shelter we all built.

Haymitch and Boggs are whispering to each other and I strain to hear what they're saying. "Poor... girl... close... call... can't... believe." after a while my eyes grow heavy and go to bed.

**Katniss' POV **

When I'm beginning to be pulled out of sleep, the first thing I notice is that I'm moving. I force my eyes open and find myself staring into Finnick Odair's infamous sea green eyes. "Finnick," I say "Why are you carrying me?"

"Lover boy's arms got tired and Gale Whale has to carry his gun," Finnick explains.

"Why am I being carried?" I ask.

"You were sleeping and we all agreed that you needed to rest," he says with a shrug.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life," I say, why did they not wake me? "Put me down."

"Maybe I like carrying you," he whispers seductively. I shoot him a glare at him and he puts me down.

"We should arrive at Thirteen at 3:00, it's 2:00 now, you slept for a long time, sweetheart," Haymitch says. He's right, I can't ever remember sleeping anywhere near that amount of time. Normally I'm lucky to get five hours with how bad my nightmares are, and even before the Games I wasn't a girl who liked to sleep a lot.

Sure enough, a little over an hour later, we sight Thirteen. At the edge of the woods, Boggs stops at a tree and places his thumb on a knot in the bark.

"Peppermint unicorns blow frogs sky high," he says. We all look at each other, wondering if he's lost his marbles, but before any of us can say anything, the tree slides three feet to the left, revealing a slide.

"Ladies first," Boggs says jokingly, moving aside.

"That means Haymitch, right?" Finnick jokes "He's more feminine than either of the chicks." Haymitch glares at him before Johanna slides down. I follow, and when I land, we're in Coin's office. Peeta follows, then Gale, Finnick, Haymitch and finally Boggs.

Coin looks up from her paperwork and angrily says "What the bloody nightlock happened, Boggs?"

"We were in Nine, bombers came, Katniss went all heroic and shot down them all single handily, one deposited a small grenade at her feet, the blast knocked her of her feet and she hit her head hard on the concrete, she made a speech. We were halfway back when she started coughing up blood; I told the pilot to speed up so we could get her to a hospital. We crashed and walked back to Thirteen." Boggs says.

"And the pilot?" She asks.

"He died in the crash," Boggs says quietly.

Coin sighs. "You are excused from all duties today and tomorrow. Dismissed." she says.

As we walk out of her office Peeta says "C'mon Katniss, let me get you to the hospital." I don't protest, simply because I'm too tired and feel too bad. He helps me fill out forms and I'm automaticly ushered into a room.

"Katniss!" my mother says, giving me a hug that I awkwardly return; I don't think I've ever hugged my mom. She checks me over and says that I have a concussion on my concussion, re opened a couple of the stabbing wounds, and have a light case of non contagious phenomena. She gives me some pills and tells me to rest as much as possible, which honestly sounds really good right now.

Peeta walks me back to my compartment and I nap while he draws. We go to the cafeteria and get our dinner, and the Hawthornes show up.

"How you feeling, Catnip?" Gale asks.

"Fine," I reply "How 'bout you, Gale Whale?"

Gale turns a little red, whether from embarrassment or fury I have no idea. "Finnick and his stupid nicknames, how do you stand him?" Gale asks "And not to mention that he can't be serious for thirty seconds." Gale rolls his eyes. Posey giggles. "What's so funny, turtle?" Gale asks, poking Posey on the stomach.

"You're a whale!" She says in between giggles. Gale groans and I finish my sandwich. Peeta and I say goodbye and leave, and we head back to my compartment.

Peeta turns to leave but I grab him and lift up the covers on my bed. "You promised to stay by me," I say.

"Always," he says as he climbs in after taking his shoes off. We talk for a bit but we're both tired and soon we drift off, me safe in his arms.

"Katniss April Everdeen!" my father says, waking me from a somewhat peaceful sleep, "Why in the world is there a guy in your bed?" he asks, infuriated.

"Just sleeping," I say with a shrug "We were both tired." Why is he making such a big deal out of this?

"Katniss, you are not to have boys over past 9:00," my father says sternly.

"Why not?" I ask, annoyed. Then it hits me he's so upset. "Oh," I say with a little laugh "You think that him and I... Oh no, don't worry dad we don't, you know, do that," I say.

"Sure you don't," my father says, rolling his eyes.

"I should go," Peeta says, throwing backs the covers and pulling on his lace-free issued shoes. "Yes, you should," my father says. When did he get so cold? He continues "You're a nice kid, I think you're good for Katniss, but I simply can not allow boys to be here at night."

"I understand and I will respect it," Peeta says charmingly. He tucks me in, kisses my forehead, and walks out the door.

"We need to have a talk, Katniss," My Father says, sitting down on the foot of my bed.

"Can we have it in the morning? I'm really tired," It's not exactly the truth, but it's not really a lie either. I am exhausted, but that's not the reason I want to have this conversation in the morning. I cough a little.

"Since you're sick, sure," my father says hesitantly.

"Thanks," I say, snuggling further into the covers.

My father brushes the hair out of my face. "Sweet dreams," he whispers, shutting off the lights. _If only_, I think as I drift off.

_"Sing," Rue asks, gasping for air. I comply and start to cry, when Glimmer shows up. _

_"You killed me," she says "And I'm not one to let things slide. I had a boyfriend waiting for me to come home, a real one, not like you and Peeta, all you do is use him for your own purposes." she taunts_.

_"Is that true?" Peeta appears. He tosses nightlock past his lips and all I can do is watch. Glimmer tosses me into a tank of electrocuted water and it's filled with Peeta's screams. _

"Katniss," a voice says "Katniss wake up, you're having a nightmare." my eyes fly open and find that my Father is towering over me, having shook me awake.

"Sorry I woke you," I say, fighting tears. I look at the clock, it's a bit past 1 am. "I'm going for a walk," I say, pulling on a sweater and shoes.

"How often do you have nightmares?," my father asks gently.

I shrug "On my good nights I have them twice, my record high is seven," I reply.

"You have them every night?" my father asks, shocked.

"Yeah," I reply with a shrug, walking out the door.

I decide to sneak to the planetarium, where they have a live camera showing what the scenery is like outside right at that moment. I sneak in there and am surprised to find a familiar form in there too. "Couldn't sleep either?" I ask, approaching him.

Peeta looks at me "No, I'm assuming it's the same with you?" I nod and cuddle up next to him, still fighting tears. Peeta notices. "What's wrong," he asks gently.

"I failed her, I failed her Peeta, she died in my arms," I say, sobbing into his chest.

He rubs my back and says soothingly "You didn't fail her."

"I did," I sob "Had I shot Marvel a second earlier she might still be here!"

"It's not your fault, you couldn't save her. It's the Capitol's fault and you're gonna make them pay." he soothes. I crawl off his lap.

"I'm tired," I say.

"I'll take you back to your compartment," Peeta says, standing up.

"No," I say "I don't want to face the nightmares alone. I do know that there's a comfy closet just down this hall, stay by me?"

He smiles as he replys. "Always,"


	4. Trouble

**A/N: Hey! Sorry this chapter is so short! I just realized now that I should've combined it with the previous one! I will upload the rest that I have written today though, so be on the lookout! I have about 16,500 words already written, but after I post those all I will still uupdate regularly, just not everyday. Oh, and please be aware that this fic ****_is_**** T rated. Right now it's not that bad, but later on there will be some self harm, attemped suicide, the killing off of major characters, and underage drinking. Only a bit of each, but still, it is rated for a reason. Without further ado, here is the next chapter! **

"There you are Katniss!" Katniss' father says when when he finds us. Crap. "Why are you with... him... despite the fact that I told you not to sleep with him?" he asks.

"You didn't tell me not to sleep with Peeta, you just said no boys in our compartment after nine," Katniss replies, annoyed. He sighs and says

"I realize it's wrong for me to just barge in and start acting like nothing ever happened; that I was your father through it all. I wasn't. You were forced to be the strong one in the household, you've been through heck and high water and you're the strongest person I know. I'm proud to call you my daughter, but I simply can not allow you to sleep with men before you are married!"

Katniss sighs "Fine," she lies, although her father buys it.

"Good," he says with a smile "Lunch is in fifteen minutes, see you then!"

"Yeah," she says as I stand up. I help her up and she asks "You realize I was lying, right?"

"Don't worry, you're still a terrible liar," I reply, kissing her cheek. She coughs into her hand and says

"I'm going to grab another sweater, I'll meet you in the cafeteria for lunch, K?"

I reply "Sounds good."

I walk into the cafeteria, get my food, and start talking to Johanna about the war, and soon I've finished my meal. I look at the clock and see that Katniss should've been here a half an hour ago, she's almost completely missed lunch. Frowning, I look around for her.

"Looking for someone, lover boy?" Johanna asks.

"Katniss," I reply "She was supposed to be here a half an hour ago, I should look for her."

I get up and put my tray away, but I sense I'm being followed. I turn around, and sure enough, Katniss' father is trailing a few yards behind me.

"I'd thought that I should help you look for her," he explains.

I fake a smile and say "She said she was going back to her compartment to get a sweater, so let's start there." we go to the Everdeen's compartment and I open the door. And there, curled up in a ball on the floor, is a trembling Katniss.

Katniss' Father POV

I stop in the doorway, not sure what to do. Peeta however, seems to know exactly what to do as he walks forward and scoops Katniss up, and starts talking to her, making me wonder how common of an occurrence this type of thing was. "Katniss," he says gently "Katniss can you look at me?" Trembling, she looks up, pale as a ghost. "You're safe, I'm safe. Everybody is safe here in District Thirteen. You're not in the Capitol," he soothes.

She grabs him tight and kisses him, and that's when I realize how much she needs him. I turn, walk away, and close the door.

That night, I tell Katniss "He can sleep in your bed as long as you're good." she beams and hugs me, sitting in my lap like she used to do when she was little. It shocks me, she's brave, fierce and fiery but still broken; I admire how she never gave up.

She excitedly goes and fetches him, and they settle down, arms around one another. I keep an eye on them though, waiting until both of them are fast asleep before I turn in myself. She awakens several times during the night but he's always there, soothing her like I'll never be able to.

I wish I had been there, to watch her, remind her not to lose hope, reassure her, teach her to take pride in herself. But I wasn't; and now I have to deal with the fact that an old drunk has been more of a father to her than I was and that a seventeen year old guy is the one she opens up to. I watch him as he strokes her hair, telling her that Prim is safe, Snow doesn't have her.

I'm determined to get revenge on Snow. He blew up the mines on purpose, he was trying to fend off any 'rebellious behavior'; luckily I had snuck away for a quick break. He forced my little girl to fight to the death, twice, and if that wasn't enough, he tortured her. He made threats against my family, he is pure evil.

And he is going to pay.

One way or another.

Peeta's POV

When I wake up, Katniss is still sleeping, so I gently move her from my arms and sit at the foot of her bed, picking up a pencil and a piece of paper. I begin to draw her, thin but determined, shooting down the hovercraft with her bow.

"That's very good," Katniss' father says, appearing behind me. I guess he's on night guard tonight.

"Thanks," I say, touching up the lighting on her bow.

Haymitch bursts through the door. "Coin wants you two in her office in fifteen minutes," he says, addressing Katniss and I. Katniss sits up, having been woken up by Haymitch bursting in.

"Having sleepovers now, are we Sweetheart," he says, smirking. Katniss curses loudly at him while sliding out of bed and her father exclaims

"Katniss April Everdeen!"

"Nice middle name, Sweetheart," Haymitch says sarcastically.

"Why thank you, Haymitch Baxter Albernathy," Katniss spits. Haymitch glares at her and leaves without another word.

"I'll go back to my compartment, change, then come pick you up, okay?" I say, kissing her cheek.

"Sure," she says, walking to the bathroom.

"See you soon!" I call while walking out the door.

Katniss' POV

"Go to the porthole, you're leaving for District Four now," Coin says once Peeta, Finnick, Gale, Boggs, Johanna and I are gathered in her stone office. We all nod and turn to leave. "Oh, and Ms. Everdeen?" She calls after me.

"Yes," I reply, turning around to face her.

"There better not be anymore set backs," she says icily.

I walk out the door and shut it before releasing the string of terrible curses that no full grown man should say, much less a seventeen year old girl, off my tongue. Does Coin really think I meant to get injured? The way she said it, it was like she was threatening me. Is she?

"You really need to wash your mouth out with soap, Catnip," Gale says to me, only half joking "You've got worse language than most of the guys who were on my mining crew." I roll my eyes and Peeta comes over.

"You should've heard what she called Haymitch," he laughs "Her father was right there too." Gale chuckles and we all board a hovercraft. Once again, I fall asleep with my head in Peeta's lap.

Peeta's POV

"We are not your enemy!" Katniss says, trying to gain support. "We all have the same enemy, the Capitol!" She says "Who here thinks it's all right for the Capitol to send children away to fight to the death? Anyone? Anyone at all?" She asks "Then does anyone know a victor?" several hands go up "Then you know about how the victors don't have it as easy as you'd like to believe. Most are forced into prostitution, and if they refuse, Snow kills someone close to them. President Snow made threats against my family too, although it wasn't his typical deal. I love Peeta with all of my heart; but President Snow thought that I was lying about being in love with him. He said that unless I convinced everybody that pulling out the nightlock was an act of love and not rebellion, he would kill all of my family and friends. I'm in love with Peeta, at first it wasn't clear, but I realize now that I've always been in love with him since he saved my life by giving me bread. President Snow needs to pay, who's with us?"

Then a shot rings out and she falls to the ground.


	5. Final Salute

**A/N: Hey! Thank you to the ****two ****people who followed this! I'm glad people are reading this, besides how terrible it is. I've only been writing for two months, though, so hopefully it'll be better soon! **

* * *

Katniss' Father POV

"May I have a moment alone with her?" I ask Peeta, who literally has not left the side of her hospital bed since they arrived back from Four two weeks ago.

"Of course," he replies, standing up. He leaves and I sit in the battered old grey chair. I take her hand in my large, scarred one. She looks so little, so tiny. Like she's fourteen and not seventeen. Like she hasn't had just about the worst life possible. Like she's just sleeping and not silently fighting for her life.

I brush the hair off her forehead. Praying that one day I'll see her grey eyes again. I think back, trying to remember the last thing I said to her; was it something stupid? What could've I done different? Tears start to stream down my face. The doctors are desperately trying to save her, but the odds are not in her favor at all. My wife, Lilly, comes in and we hold each other, crying tears for our daughter. All too soon, we both have to work. We exit and I see Peeta go in to a small room.

A doctor stops us and says "Please, come with me, I've cleared it to talk to you about your daughter." We follow the grey haired native of District Thirteen into a small office, where Peeta, Gale and Haymitch are seated. Peeta stands so Lilly can sit and she accepts with a smile. Haymitch glares at me. Things have been... awkward to say the least. Lilly chose me over Haymitch and now he has just has to put on his big boy pants and deal with it.

The doctor clears his throat. "I have called you here to inform you that Ms. Everdeen has regressed significantly, she now has about a 10% chance of full recovery. We do, however believe that she can hear you, so please, when you visit her, ask her to keep fighting." we all nod and I head back to training.

Peeta's POV

"Hey, Katniss," I say, gently fingering her hand "It's me, Peeta. The doctors say that they think you can hear us. I hope you can. I miss you Katniss, you need to wake up soon, I need you." I start to cry, sob even. "I need you Katniss, I need you!" I say desperately. "Katniss please, keep fighting, don't let them take you from me, please, Katniss, please." I beg while the sobs wrack my body. Somewhere among the sobs,I drift off into a restless slumber.

Gale's POV

"Catnip," I say, standing awkwardly next to her "I know that you're a fighter and you hate encouragement, but please, keep trying as hard as you can to wake up, okay? I have to go to a meeting with BeeTee now, I'll try to visit you afterwards, bye Catnip."

Peeta's POV

"Nurse, I think she just moved!" I exclaim when Katniss moves her fingers slightly.

"She must be waking up," the nurse muses "I do have to warn you though, it's not like in the movies, it'l take a while for her to fully gain consciousness. Ask her to nod if she can hear you." she says.

"Katniss?" I say "Katniss, it's me, Peeta. Can you hear me? If you can, nod." Katniss slowly and jerkily nods her head. I start laughing and kiss her forehead because I'm so incredibly happy and relived.

The nurse says "I should go contact her family," and walks out.

"I think I'm the happiest person in the world right now," I tell Katniss, taking her hand in mine. I keep chatting to her until the rest of her family and friends show up. I put her hand down and she moves for them.

"That's great, Catnip," Gale says, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Haymitch says gruffly, struggling to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"Hey Katniss, it's me, Prim. I'm so happy you're starting to wake up! Will you help me with my homework when you can?" Prim asks happily. Katniss nods slowly. Katniss' father brushes the hair off her forehead. "Kitty kat, do you want to go back to sleep?" he asks gently. She shakes her head no and starts doing a strange tapping pattern with one of her fingers.

"Morse code," Gale says with a smile.

"Where the bloody nightlock did she learn that?" Haymitch asks.

"School library had a book on it," Gale explains "She thought it'd be useful in the woods."

"What's she saying?" I ask.

BeeTee answers, being so intelligent as to somehow know the code. "She says 'Peeta, I love you, Haymitch needs a drink and she wants to know if Prim's tail is tucked in." he translates. Prim promptly tucks her tail in and thanks Katniss for reminding her. Katniss taps out that she would like to sleep so everyone leaves except me; I sit down in the chair and hold her hand until I fall into a sleep, that for the first time in what feels like forever, is free of nightmares.

Katniss POV

Finally, after what I'm told is about a month after I was shot, I have regained full consciousness. When my eyes flutter open, the first thing I see is Peeta, his hair a mess and bags under his eyes, staring at me lovingly. "Hey," I say weakly. A tear slips out of his eye and he's grinning like an idoit. "Do I get a kiss?" I ask with a feeble attempt at laughing. He closes the space between our lips and despite the fact that my arms feel like they weigh a ton I put my hands in his tangled blond hair. He puts his hands of my waist and our bodies press together.

"Move your hands a little lower, Peet," Finnick says. I didn't even notice that him, Annie, Prim and my dad had walked in on Peeta and I essentially making out. Peeta quickly pulls away and I blush beet red.

"We need to have a talk later, young lady," My father says. I groan.

"How do you feel?" Annie asks.

"Like I got hit by a truck," I say, trying to laugh again. Everybody laughs at this and I crack a grin, thankful to be awake again. "Did we get Four?" I ask.

Yes," Finnick says "We had it minutes after you were shot."

"Great," I say. Castor and Pollux, who are in charge of filming and editing the propos, come in and film me in my hospital bed. I show off the gunshot wound and talk a bit about the war. Finally, they leave and I take a nap with Peeta by my side.

Peeta's POV

A nurse comes in with Katniss dinner and I gently wake her so she can eat. She tries to feed herself, but she's shaking so badly that none of it even gets to her mouth. I pick up the spoon and Katniss opens her mouth; but she obviously hates having to be taken care of and complains the entire time. Gale comes in I return Katniss' empty bowl to the nurses station before walking back to Katniss' room, figuring that by now I've given them enough 'alone time'.

I'm not prepared for what I'm met with though. Gale is on top of Katniss, kissing her. Katniss is desperately trying to wriggle free but to no avail. Before I can sock Gale in the jaw he jumps off her and sprints away.

I go over to Katniss an ask her if she's alright. She nods and begs me not to leave her alone with Gale ever again.

I reply "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Good," she says "Would you hand me the water? I want to rinse my mouth out." I hand her the water and she drinks it. The ordeal has obviously taken a lot out of her so I suggest she lie back down. She does and she's out like a light.

About half an hour later Prim rushes in. "If you see Gale, don't let him near Katniss," she says hurriedly "He's been hijacked."

Katniss POV

Hijacked. The word bounces around my brain. Hijacked. "What?" I ask.

"Well," Prim explains "He wasn't technically hijacked; he was drugged so the effect was the same. The venom should work it's way out of his system in about three weeks. Until then, he's under guard 24/7." I nod; the drugs making me too tiered do anything else. Prim bids me farewell and my Father comes in.

"Hey," he says, sitting on the foot of my hospital bed and resting a hand on my leg "Can we talk?". Peeta takes this as his cue to leave the room.

"About earlier," I say "I swear, we weren't going to go any further, nor have we ever-"

He cuts me off. "Oh no, I'm not here to lecture you," he says with a laugh before growing serious again "It's just, seeing you in that coma, knowing I might never see your eyes again, it made me realize how fragile life really is; that I could lose you at any moment. It made me realize that I don't think I've ever really told you how proud I am of you. You took over head o the family when you were eleven; that's incredible to say the least. You survived two hunger games, didn't let the president's threats faze you, you took care of the family through it all; you even sang to a girl while she was dying. You remained yourself; even the Capitol... you know, couldn't really change you. I cannot express how proud of you I am." he says.

"You shouldn't be proud of me," I say "I'm self centered; a murderer, a liar, a thief, I don't care about other people's feelings at all, and I'm a coward. You should be ashamed to call me your daughter."

"I can't believe you think that," My father says "And a coward? Where did you get that one?"

"Mmhp," I say, sleep pulling me under.

"Sleep now," he says, pulling my blanket up and kissing me on the forehead. Before he even leaves the room I'm out like a light.

Peeta's POV

When Katniss' father came in I decided that she would be all right for a while and that I could go to training. I head up and the others in my group greet me warmly. The group coach just gives me a disapproving look because I did miss about a month of training.

I do some push up, talking with a native of Thirteen while I do. After that we swim a mile and finally go for a run. I'm the slowest in my group by a lot, thanks to my prosthetic leg.

After training I go back to my family's compartment and take a quick shower before immeadetliy going down to see Katniss. "Where you going, Peeta?" my mother asks, blocking the doorway so I can't get out.

"Just for a quick walk, mother," I say.

"Not going to see that seam brat?" she asks hopefully.

"No," I lie.

"Good boy," she says, patting me on the shoulder ."Carry on."

I walk down to Katniss' hospital room and she scoots over in her bed so I can lie next to her. "Mhp," she mumbles into my shirt. "I missed you," she says "I was tired."

"Why didn't you take a nap?" I ask, unbraiding her hair.

"I tried," she says "But I can't handle the nightmares without you,". I slide down from my sitting position so I'm lying with her in my arms.

"Go to sleep," I whisper into her black hair. Soon, she drifts off into a slumber plagued with nightmares.

Haymitch's POV

I walk into sweetheart's hospital room at about two am and am pleased to see that her and lover boy are cuddled up in sleep. Time for payback. I clutch the handle of my pitcher tighter and hurl the ice cold contents right on them.

They both bolt upright and Peeta exclaims something along the lines of "Heavenly French crust!", while Katniss starts shrieking and throwing blind punches. Apparently water causes her to hallucinate or something like that. Peeta tries to calm her down but she just starts yelling

"Please not him, please, wouldn't it be better just to put me in there for twice as long?".

Two nurses come in and they sedate her.

"What happened?" the larger woman asks.

Peeta says "Haymitch threw water on her."

"Tattle," I slur, having emptied my flask recently. I walk out the door, Peeta yelling after me, nurses trying to get me to stay, and myself ignoring it all and going to find the illegal alcohol dealer.

Katniss POV

"Cinna," I greet when the darkness clears "How are you?"

"Good, how about you, Girl On Fire?" he says, eyes twinkling.

"I have to go to training," Peeta says apologetically, climbing out from beneath the covers. "I'll see you soon, okay?" he says, kissing me on the cheek before walking up the door.

"So," I say to Cinna "What's up?"

"They want you and Johanna to do an interview," he says, handing me a black dress that's much too short for my taste and only has one shoulder. I examine it, distaste filling my features despite my best attempts to rein it in.

"I know it's to revealing for your tastes," Cinna apologizes "But Coin specified that cut. Try it on, I promise you'll like it better on."

He leaves the room so I can change, and forever true to his word, I like it much better on. It's short, but it shows no cleavage and it's not skin tight. It's not until Cinna runs his thumb across the zipper that I get the full effect. It's as if I'm a volcano, an imposing black tower of rock that's just barley holding back flickering, fiery lava.

I beam from ear to ear. "It's fantastic," I say honestly to Cinna. He grins and tosses me a pair of sandals. I'm relived beyond belief at the lack of heel; I'm unstable on my feet enough as it is. I bend down to put them on, but I wave of dizziness sweeps over me and I reach out for something to clutch for balance. My hands are met only by air however, and I topple to the ground. The pain, which was already incredibly strong from my gunshot wound, is blinding as I lie there, struggling to breathe.

"Katniss?" Cinna asks "Are you alright?"

"Yes," I manage to croak out "Dizzy."

"How many fingers am I holding up?" he questions, holding two fingers up in front of my face. "Two," I say, breathing becoming easier. "I'm fine now, really," I say, pushing myself up on my elbows "I just got dizzy, that's all."

Cinna helps me into a chair, and puts my sandals on for me, for which I'm eternally thankful. Then he helps me up, and we slowly walk towards the interview room, him eyeing me with concern all the while. "Are you sure you're fine?" he finally asks "I can get you a wheelchair if you'd like."

"Really Cinna, I'm fine," I reply, even though I'm not too sure I am.

"If you say so," he says, unconvinced as we enter the bright room where interviews are held. "Have fun, Girl On Fire."

"You look like crap," Johanna observes as I practically collapse in my chair. I snort.

"Gee, thanks." I say, rolling my eyes. Johanna is dressed in a strapless red dress that dips dangerously low. She dosen't seem bothered by it though. Oh right, she's Johanna Mason, she strips for fun routinely.

"Three.. Two... One... Annnnd shooting!" The camera man says. Plustarch, who is conducting the interview, says "Hello to the people of the districts! I'm Plustartch Heathensbee and I'm here with Johanna Mason and Katniss Everdeen! So, Katniss, I heard you were shot a month ago in District Four?"

"Yes," I reply.

I talk for about half an hour before everything starts to fade and darken. A high pitch whistle rings in my ears and I vaguely hear Plustartch ask me if I'm alright. Then I feel myself hit the floor and everything goes black.


	6. Fatefulness

**A/N: First of all, I am so so so sorry for the shortness of this chapter! The next few will be longer, I promise. I just can't believe how short this chap is, but I wasn't sure if I could split it? The next few will hopefully be long though, so hang in there! **

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When consciousness wins me over again, the first thing I notice is the uneasiness in my stomach. I sit up as much as I can and puke before toppling over again, gasping for air. Peeta's concerned blue eyes appear before me and he hands me a glass of water which I gulp down hastily among my gasps for air.

"You fainted," Peeta says, brushing the hair off my forehead.

"Thank you, Captian Obvious," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Do you think you're up for another interview?" Plustarch asks "It'd be a very short one."

"Of course I'm up for it," I reply, thinking about Coin's threat.

"Good, good," Plustarch says happily "I want to do one with just you, Peeta and your father." Peeta helps me up and I brush myself off while Cinna fixes my hair.

Peeta keeps his arm around my waist as we walk back to the table, where three chairs are; one of which is occupied by my father. I sit in the middle and turn to him. "By the way, the entire country thinks Peeta and I snuck off and had a toasting after he got me pregnant. That's a lie. I'm a virgin and unmarried. But we're covering that up and saying that I lost the baby in the arena, K?" He nods and we begin.

I talk for about ten minutes before Peeta and I are free to go. I stand up an am immeadetliy hit by a wave of dizziness so strong I have to sit down. Seeing this, Peeta scoops me up despite my protests and I'm asleep before we're out of the room.

Peeta's POV

I carry Katniss' sleeping form down to the hospital level, but a nurse stops me and says that Coin had Katniss moved back into her family's compartment. I frown, Katniss certainly isn't ready to be out of the hospital yet. But, there is nothing I can do, so I carry her back to her family's compartment and lay her down on the bed.

Prim comes in to change after her shift and exclaims "What is she doing out of the hospital? She was due to be released in three weeks!"

"Coin insisted she be moved," I reply flatly.

"Why?" Prim asks, gob smacked. I shrug.

"Hey," Annie says, appearing shyly in the open doorway

"I went down to the hospital to visit Katniss and they told me she was released." I move aside so Katniss is visible and she wakes up. She's momentarily puzzled, as if she expected to be somewhere else, but she shakes her head and greets Annie.

"Coin want's you in her office, Katniss," Annie says.

"Have fun," I say, kissing her forehead as she drags herself out of bed.

"I'll be back soon," she says as she approaches the door.

"Go," I say, waving her away "You don't want to be late." she nods and disappears into the artificially lit hallway.

Katniss' POV

"Ms. Everdeen," Coin greets coldly when I enter her office "Follow me, please." she stands up from her desk and escorts me down the hallway and into a small room. In the center is Peeta's father bound to a chair.

"This is all your doing," Coin says "Because of you being so troublesome, Peeta will weep for his dead father." She pulls a revolver out of her skirt pocket and cocks it. I jump forward, desperate to save the kindly old baker, but Coin has fired by the time I force her hands down. Mr. Mellark slumps against his ropes, dead.


	7. Blade of Mercy

**A/N: This chapter is still short, but it's much longer than the last one :) It does have self-harm in it however, so be warned if you're younger. **

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Peeta's POV

Katniss throws open the door and launches herself into my arms, sobbing. "What happened?" I ask, stroking her hair.

"Coin," she chokes out "She killed your father because I got shot! I'm so sorry Peeta!"

My father, the man who brought sanity to our family, who snuck bread to the poor, who taught me how to bake, is dead. I start sobbing hysterically despite the fact I know it won't do any good. Katniss holds me for hours until at last I calm down. I excuse myself, wanting to be left alone.

I go to the planetarium, where I find Ry. I ask him if he's heard and he nods his head, eyes full of tears. We sit and talk about him until the sun rises. When morning finally comes Katniss finds me and I hold her close, telling myself that she's here, which is at this point the most comforting thing I have. That's when I notice the cuts on her left arm.

They're small, straight, and couldn't have been made by anything but a knife. Normally her shirt would cover them, but it's gone a bit askew. "Katniss," I say , taking her arm and looking her in the eye "Did you do this to yourself?" She drops my gaze.

"Don't worry about me," she says softly.

"Why," I ask, my voice softer but choked with pain. She shakes her head, clearly not wanting to talk about it. I have a feeling she's blaming herself for my father's death though. We sit cuddled up for a few minutes before Katniss suggests we go to breakfast. We stand and I adjust my false leg so it doesn't rub quite so hard.

While we're walking I keep my arm around her, reminding myself that I still have her; that I don't have to face this cruel world without her. We eat breakfast silently as I try to pretend that I don't notice that Marco is missing. I'm worried for him; he lost his fiancée in the bombing, and now this? If being remotely responsible for a death causes Katniss to starts hurting herself, who knows what losing the two most important people in your life cause a much weaker person like Marco to do?

"I'm sure he's fine," Katniss whispers in my ear. I nod, she's probably right, and I find it ever so slightly creepy how she knows exactly what I'm thinking. I snake my arm around her waist just to tell her I'm fine.

"Coin wants us three in command pronto," Finnick says to Katniss and I, having just walked in. We stand and Katniss lets me carry our empty bowls to the table where they are stacked before we head to Coin's office. When we enter Coin's office I try to conceal my extreme rage as best as I can. I can't believe she murdered my father simply because Katniss was shot. Letting her on that I know this would only cause more trouble though, so I simply focus on Katniss.

"You are all dismissed from all appointed duties today to go special weaponry and work on your skills with weapons." Coin says "Oh, and Solider Mellark?"

"Yes," I say cordially, turning around.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss," she says icily.

"Thank you," I say, my tone of voice matching hers.

"What was that all about?" finnick asks as we head towards the elevator.

"Coin personally murdered my father because she claims that Katniss is holding up the rebellion," I say flatly.

"Promise... You... Won't... Tell..." Katniss gets out between shuddering breaths. She's so out of shape that even the shortest walks wind her. I reach to carry her but am stopped by the scowl displayed prominently on her features.

"I promise," Finnick says, pushing the elevator button.

We arrive at the 9th floor and walk into special weaponry where we are greeted by a very excited BeeTee. "Salutations!" he says happily "I have something I want Katniss to try out, it's a jet pack!"

"Sounds good," Katniss says indifferently.

He straps the oddly shaped contraption onto Katniss' back and instructs her to climb onto a ledge about thirty feet up via the small stairwell. She does as she's told and pushes the red button before jumping off. Katniss hovers in the air for about five seconds before their's a loud BANG and a cloud of smoke surrounds her before she plummets to the ground. Running. That's all I'm doing. I must save Katniss; I can't let her die. Not after everything I've done to protect her. I somehow manage to get there in time and she lands in my arms, knocking me over.

"Are you all right?" we ask each other at the same time.

"I'm fine," she says honestly.

"Me too," I say, feeling no pain in my body.

She rolls off me, allowing me to stand. I hold my hand out to help her up and she claps it. She stands up, her body free yet controlled. I can't help but admire how attractive she is. Beetee by now has made it over as helps Katniss unhook herself from the jet pack.

"I don't know why he didn't work," he says, puzzled "Are you sure you're all right? That was quite some fall."

"I'm fine," Katniss assures him "I've fallen from high places before." I think about when she had to jump over the district fence, and how she broke her heel and had to stay in bed for a week while it healed. We worked on the plant book and she was borderline obsessed with my eyelashes. I smile as I recall the pleasant memory. All though I was upset at the fact she was injured, it was the first time that we got to do something normal and real.

"Ready to start with the weapons?" Beetee asks "I'd thought we'd ought to start with archery." A devilish grin creeps up on to Katniss' face at this and I find myself struggling to hold back a laugh at her excitement. I am happy though, after seeing how good Katniss is with a bow and how much fun she has with it, I've always wanted to try it.

I pick up a simple grey bow and string an arrow as I've seen Katniss do so many times. I pull it back, center my focus on the target, and the arrow slips and points to the grounds. Katniss starts laughing her head off and I burrow my eyebrows in confusion; trying to figure out what happened.

Katniss quiets down and fires another arrow, which successfully lodges itself in the one she had shot before. I restring the arrow and pull it back, this time a bit more forcefully. I release the arrow and it buries itself in the ground, coming no where near the target. "How is it that your girlfriend is always shooting sticks at stuff, yet you can't even hit a target, Dough boy?" Johanna asks. I try and glare at her, but Katniss walks between us and helps me to shoot .Soon, I'm hitting the target every time, although Katniss is unimpressed.

I'm not surprised.

We move on to some weapon that Katniss father found in the woods, it has a chain center and two different types of ends. It was used during the dark days and Mr. Everdeen shows us how to use it. It's great fun, really, and after a few hours I've all but mastered it.

We all go to lunch before toying around for several more weapons before it's finally lights out. Katniss tells me that she's just going to walk, so I head back to my family's compartment, where I comfort my sobbing mother long into the night. "Why?" she finally asks.

"I don't know;" I admit "I honestly don't know."

Katniss' POV

I slip into the closet, knife secured in my boot. I slip it out, admiring it for a moment. Such an innocent looking thing, really. Just a piece of metal with a wooden handle. So innocent, yet so incredibly deadly.

I wonder if Peeta will miss me.

It's a stupid question, really. Of course he'll miss me; he loves me. But it's in his best interests that I do this, better I die than both of our family's dying, right? I simply don't want to kill anyone else.

It's rather ironic, isn't it?

My final kill will be myself.

I take a breath, and slide the blade over my wrist.

**A/N: Please, never kill yourself. You are beautiful. It doesn't matter what other people say or what you've seen or what you've done.**


	8. Bottle Battle

**A/N: This is all I have written so far, so it might be a bit before I update :) **

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_Katniss POV_

I'm alive. That's the only thing I can register when I wake. Or am I? I wouldn't exactly call it wakefulness, I can only make out shadows and bits of light, no sound or emotion. Is this the afterlife? It's certainly pleasant enough, and it certainly seems to last forever.

Slowly, my foggy reality lessons until I can make out that I am indeed, alive. I can see and faintly hear the nurses, though everything is tinted a deep shade of purple. I can even just make out Peeta, slightly glowing, and his hair startinly purple even compared to everything else. "Why'd you dye your hair?" I mumble.

"I didn't, katniss," he says. Katniss... Is that my name? I frown, not being able to recall. "Sleep," Peeta commands gently. I do as he asks.

When I truly wake up, the pain hits me like a bullet to the heart. Coin is surely going to punish me further now. I take a sharp breath in before immeadietly braking down in sobs. I can't even die without being interrupted. What I thought to be a fool proof plan to save Peeta's heart and my family completely backfired and I'm left over my head in hot water.

I feel Peeta's arms snake around me, holding me tight, his tears hot and wet on my scalp. "Why," he chokes out "Why, Katniss why?" I shake my head, crying too hard to speak. I can feel the depression lurking, inviting me to come stay. I let the darkness take me.

I spend my time in the mental ward, drifting in and out of numbness and crippling hallucinations. Peeta is always there with me, even though I can rarely bring myself out of the depression long enough to talk. I try, I really do, for him; but it's so hard when coming out means never ending nightmares, even in wakefulness. One day, I manage to stay sane for a few minutes, and Peeta and I talk.

"Peeta," I say, the roughness and raw emotion in my voice surprising me.

"Katniss," he says, though it's more of a cry "Why?". I don't bother to try and play dumb. I can't pretend I don't know what he's talking about.

"You know why," I whisper, not daring to say more less the room be bugged.

"I know," Peeta says "But I don't understand." I shake my head, trying to communicate that I don't want to talk.

"Peeta Mellark to Command STAT. I repeat, Peeta Mellark to Command." a pleasant female voice says over the intercom.

"Don't leave me alone," I whimper into his chest, not wanting to cross the border to insanity again. "I have to go," Peeta says "But how about I leave you with Gale?"

"But he's hijacked," I point out.

"The venom left his system a week ago," Peeta states.

"I've been out of it that long?" I ask, frowning. He nods and stands up. He kisses my forehead and makes his way to command. I bite down on my pillow, trying not to scream. I moment later Gale walks in.

"Catnip?" he asks worriedly "You all right?" he touches my back tenderly, then pulls his hand back, as if he'd been shocked.

"Fine," I reply as I uncurl myself from my fetal position. "So," I begin, drawing the word out longer than it needs to be.

"How've you been?" Gale asks "And be honest."

"Truthfully? Terrible." as if on cue, I sense that I'm about to have an 'episode'. My breathing becomes hitched and I can feel the color flooding from my face.

"Katniss?" Gale asks, clearly worried since he's using my actual name. I can barley hear him however, it sounds like I'm underwater. Prim's screams fill my ears and I throw myself into Gale's arms, my breathing rapid. "It's all right, it's not real, whatever you see or hear isn't real," Gale soothes. I nod, pulling myself off his chest now that the screams have dissipated.

He looks more concerned than I thought possible, and I rush to reassure him. "I'm fine now, really." I say, sitting up straighter.

"You sure?" Gale asks, still worried, as he touches my braid.

"Positive," I reply.

"If you say so," Gale says uncertainly.

"Can we go for a walk? I'm dying to get out."

"Sure."

We walk, or in my case, stumble around the floor where the compartments are before I bump into my father.

"Katniss," he coos softly "How are you feeling?" he touches my hair softly, his storm grey eyes concerned.

"Fine," I lie.

The truth is I'm anything but fine. I feel as though there is something sneaking up from the depths of my soul, threatening to overtake me at any moment. My father cocks an eyebrow.

"Really I'm fine. I had an episode earlier, but I handled it." I don't know why I'm telling him this. But apparently it satisfies him, and he softens a bit.

"By the way," he starts "I'm taking the night off, I borrowed a game from the Libary and I figured we could play it as a family." I nod, not really caring.

"Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne to command. I repeat, Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne to command." A call goes out over the loud speaker. "Bye," I say, trying to walk as normally as possible.

When we reach command, Coin is waiting. "Katniss," her voice is threatening "I'm sure you and Gale are aware of the consequences of your actions?"

"Gale doesn't know anything." I say harshly, "Leave him out of this."

"Well he's about to find out. You interrupt, he dies. You stay still, and he'll live another day. Got it?"

"Wait," I beg, barely holding onto my sanity. "Please, do it to me instead."

"Hmm." she pauses, thinking. "Yes, yes, actually, that could work." She muses to herself, while Gale starts using his hunter's feet to his advantage, creeping up behind Coin. She grabs a syringe, approaching me, and she falls to the ground, unconscious. I take the tube from her limp hand and plunge it into her arm. I suddenly realize the gravity of the situation. My eyes meet Gale's and his voice is grave and filled with urgency.

"We have to go."

_Haymitch's POV_

Sip, sip, sip, gulp. I'm planning on getting as drunk as possible tonight. I've just started, but I can already feel the alcohol numbing the past and the present. My locked door is suddenly open with a _bang!_ and I turn to see Gale Hawthorne and the Mockingjay rushing towards me, Hawthorne having the sense to close the door. I fake drunk so they'll leave me alone.

"Whadda want?" I slur, tipping my head drunkenly.

Gale sighs. "He's drunk, Catnip, let's try him later."

'Catnip' is persistent however. After grabbing my bottle-which I don't let go of without a fight-, and taking a long swig, she says; "He's faking. When we tell him what happened he'll snap out of it."

"Whadda do, Sweetheart?" I say, carefully slurring my words, "Did you get pregnant or somthin'?" I laugh afterwards, the idea of little pure Miss Everdeen losing her purity is downright hilarious.

"No, I did not get pregnant." Katniss hisses, the smell of alcohol creeping into her breath. "I attacked Coin."

"What!" I splutter, dropping the drunken cover.

"I attacked Coin."

"I heard you," I say, annoyed that she thinks I'm a retard or something, "But how?" Katniss grabs a bottle and drains it before reaching for another.

"She was going to inject Katniss with some kind of poison," Hawthorne says, using Sweetheart's name for probably the first time in his life, "So I knocked her out; and catnip injected her with the stuff."

"What have you not told me about Coin?" I ask, keeping my voice low.

"She's been making threats against me for quite some time." Katniss says, trying to slam her bottle down on the table, only she's too drunk. She pops the cork on another bottle. "And she killed Peeta's father right in front of me."

I'm stunned. "Did you leave anything there that could link you to it?"

Gale shakes his head.

"Well then," I say, "That means I can get back to my drinking." I snatch the half empty bottle from Katniss' hand. "I would get her home."

Gale takes a swig before silently helping her up

_Mr. Everdeen's POV_

Lilly, Prim and I are sitting on the floor, and Prim is carefully setting up the ancient game with surgeon like precision. I hear somebody knock on the door and Lilly rises to open it. She gasps, and I look up to see Mace Hawthrone's eldest son, Gale, carrying Katniss. He sets her down on her bed and I speak, worried. "What happened?"

"Drunk." He offers simply. This of course, I already knew, the scent of alcohol is strongly wafting about her.

"How much did she have?" Lilly asks.

"I don't know.'' Gale says, folding his arms, "Roughly a bottle and a half?" I grimace.

"Do you know how strong it was?" Lilly asks.

"Probably not that strong." Gale says "I went to a party a few days back and the drinks were weak. So unless Haymitch has a really good dealer that no one knows about she should be fine."

"Why did she drink?" Prim's voice startles me. I had forgotten she was there.

I inwardly sigh. How am I going to explain this? "Well Primmie," I begin "Sometimes girls Katniss age like to do bad things so that they feel like they control thier lives-"

"I know, Daddy. But Katniss isn't the type to get drunk without a reason. Last time she drank-"

"She's gotten drunk before?" I ask incuriously.

"Yes," Lilly answers for me. "After the reading of the card."

"What did you do?" I have no clue how to handle this. I never planned on having to scold my daughter after she drank herself to the point of passing out.

"I didn't say anything." Lilly says. "She had as good a reason as any."

I address Gale. "Do you know why she drank?" He shakes his head.

"I best be going," Gale says "My parents are expecting me and I have to work in Special Weaponry tonight." He tenderly pulls the blanket over Katniss' shoulder before whispering tenderly "Bye, Catnip."

_Gale's POV_

When I leave, I head straight to Haymitch's house. I need a drink. Just a little. Not enough to make my father mad, but enough to get my mind off things. When I lived in the Seam, nobody ever had enough money for the expensive liquid, and though in Thirteen money is a little looser, alcohol is prohibited so I've only drank once, when one of my old mining buddies found a dealer and threw a party. I open Haymitch's door and grab a bottle and a shot glass. The liquid goes down smooth and I have three shots before I decide anymore would alert my parents and the authorities.

"Have you been drinking?" My mom is all over me the moment I walk in the door. Huh. I didn't think I drank _that_ much. But apparently I did.

"No."

My father approaches me. "Let me smell your breath."

"Fine," I say, since there is no way of getting out of it now. "I drank. But I only had a couple shots." I walk to the family dresser and open up my drawer, picking up a clean shirt that will be much more comfortable when I stay up to three A.M with Beetee, starting in half an hour. I start unbuttoning my dirty shirt, ignoring my parents.

"You're grounded."

"You can't make that decision." My answer surprises my parents. Normally I comply with whatever they want, but I have to help with the rebellion. Besides, I'm nineteen, I can drink without killing myself.

"I'm your father."

I slip on the clean shirt. "I have to go Special Weaponry tonight. Bye." I stride to the door, slamming it behind me for good measure.

_Peeta's POV_

When it's dinner time I stroll over to Katniss' compartment, knocking on the closed door. The door opens and I'm met by 's face.

"Peeta," He says with a smile that's all too serious and forced. "About Katniss…" he trails off.

"Is she allright?" I ask, worried.

"Kind of. She's drunk."

"I'm gonna kill Haymitch." I mutter. "How drunk is she? Like passed out drunk or just… tipsy?"

He grimaces. "Passed out drunk."

I sigh. "I'll be back. I'm going to go throw out all of Haymitch's liquor first.''

I walk to the other side of the 'District Twelve' section, hoping no one stops to talk to me. I open Haymitch's door and shake him awake.

"Whadda want, lover boy?'' He slurs.

"Why did you let Katniss drink?" I ask him icily. I pick up a few bottles, than start pouring them out right on his rug.

"Heyyyy, quit that!" Haymitch says, standing up with the help of his table.

"Why did you let her drink?"

"She needed it."

"Why?"

"She attacked Coin."

I drop the bottle and run.


	9. What I must do

**A/N: OH MY GOD I GOT A REVIEW! Sorry for caps but I'm so happy! :D Thank you so much to**** teampeeta1223**** (Did I get your UN right?) for being my very first reviewer! You totally made my week, if not my year! And I ****_love_**** your idea about Katniss' father talking to her about boys, I am definitely going to use that! Expect it within the next few chapters! I really can not describe how much it means to me that people have followed, favorited and actually read this story 3. And I most definitely can not belive that somebody actually took their time to review! It means the world to me since I know I'm not the best writer (I've only been writing for about two months, I'm not sure if I mentioned that or not), and I'm young and this is the second FanFic that I've ever started. I also want to know, would any of you be interested in reading a series of somewhat unrelated Hunger Games one-shots, drabbles and poems I wrote? I'm much better at one- shots than I am at chapter fics, I promise. I decided to play around with a one-shot idea I had and I'm actually pretty happy with the way it turned out. I also wrote a poem once that was really short but that I felt captured the feel of how someone who was in the bombing of District Twelve might've felt. Sorry for the overly long and rather pointless AN, and without further ado, here is chapter nine! **

**Oh, and I don't own The Hunger Games :) If I did, Haymitch and Effie would've gotten married and Finnick would not have died.**

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**Peeta's POV **

I stand in the door way of Weapons, catching my breath.

"Gale." I say. He looks up, his back cracking. "I need to talk to you."

He shoots me an annoyed look. "Whatever it is, Bread Boy, it can wait."

"Oh really." I say, shooting him a somebody's-in-trouble look.

"What did you do?" Beetee jokes, addressing Gale. "Kiss his girl?"

Gale sighs. "Fine." He looks at Beetee. "I'll be back in ten."

We walk out and I hiss. "Why did you it?

He gulps, but his voice is steadily icily, with just a touch of innocence. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you attacked the freakin' President?''

"Keep your voice down!" He hisses. "Who told you?"

"Haymitch." I admit.

"Why that little son of a-"

"You wanted this to be kept seceret?"

"Duh. I don't exactly want the whole wide world knowing that myself and the face of the Rebellion attacked one of the supposed good guys."

"I deserve to know what happens with Katniss."

Gale snorts. "Yeah, right."

I grab his collar, trying to be threatening, which is hard because although I'm sturdily built at five feet eleven inches, Gale has at least four inches on me. "What do you mean?"

"You can't deny that she'd be better off without you."

"She wouldn't. She loves me, and I love her."

"You remind her of the Games, and everything bad that happened to her. I, on the other hand remind her of the woods, and her purity of self, and of clean air and icy lakes, and how good life is."

The words sting and I spit the truth in his face. "Liar."

"Oh really?" Gale throws the first punch. I duck, and tackle him, trying to knock him over. He does get thrown into the wall however, and he uses it to his advantage. Fists fly and connect, legs striking out, curses thrown from Gale's mouth and stony silence from mine. Somewhere along the line the noise or Gale's absence alerts Beetee and he comes out, wielding a tranquilizer gun.

"Halt." Both our heads snap in his direction and I put my hands in the air. The older man gives us a disapproving look before continuing. "I'm not going to report you if you two break it up and go get cleaned up." I head up to my compartment.

**Gale's POV**

"Gale! What happened to your face?" My youngest brother, Vick, exclaims loudly as soon as I walk in the door.

"Keep your voice down!" I hiss at Vick, turning to face him.

I hear my mother sigh quietly. "Let me look at your face."

"Nothing's wrong with my face."

"I'm not going to take such squirrel crap! I am your mother and you will respect me! Ever since we got to District Thirteen you've acted like you're all high and mighty and that I'm someone you have to protect!"

I face her, surprised at her outburst and stand there with my mouth open slightly until I regain my compousure. "I don't need looking after anymore. I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

"You're still a child though. Here, let me at least look at your face."

"Which girl did you get in a fight over?"

I turn to face my father, surprised he knew almost exactly what happened. "Katniss." I admit guiltily.

"You picked a fight with a victor?" Rory is awestruck.

I smirk. "I wouldn't call it a fight. Mellark sucks."

"Hold still." My mother scold as she cleans a cut on my lower lip.

I roll my eyes. "It's fine mom, you don't need to clean it."

"Holding still involves not talking, young man."

I sigh and let her baby me.

**Cedar Everdeen's POV **

I'm awakened at about three A.M by the sound of someone running to the bathroom. I get up, my back cracking and groaning in protest before noiselessly shuffling to the bathroom, where Katniss is heaving over the toilet. I close the creaky door as quietly as possibly before flipping on the light. I hold her hair back while trying to show as little sympathy as possible. What she did was wrong. After about ten minutes of constant puking on Katniss' part, it's over. She barely gets enough energy to flush the toilet before she collapses on the freezing tile floor.

"I had forgotten why I don't drink." She whispers hoarsely.

"Why did you?"

There's a slight pause before she answers. "It would've been Rue's fourteenth birthday."

I feel a pang of guilt. I've never drank in my life, for I was always too poor, but apparently it's the only reliable way to forget. No wonder she got drunk, with memories like those always haunting her. Given a choice, I'd have to say that I'd rather her drunk than having an 'Episode'.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper. She shouldn't have to deal with that. No one should. But definitely not a seventeen year old girl who was just trying to save her sister. She suddenly sits up and retches once more, though noting but bile comes up.

"Could you shut off the light?" She asks, and I do.

"Come, let's get you off the floor and into bed." I offer. The tile is much too cold to lie on for long periods of time.

She shakes her head. "I better stay here."

"I'll grab you a bucket. But don't think I'm not disappointed in you."

She nods her head. "I know you are. You have every right to be."

"I'm glad you understand, but you're still not off the hook. I'm going to wait until morning before I talk to you though."

I help her up, and she leans heavily on me, her legs barely supporting her. She only manages to get two feet before her knees buckle and she falls. I scoop her up, her protruding hip bone jabbing me in the stomach painfully. I lay her down on the bed, tucking the covers around her shoulders like I did when she was little. I grab the waste basket and out it by her head, in case she needs it. Then I kiss her forehead and whisper goodnight.

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**Katniss POV **

**"**_Katniss," Peeta hisses. "Why?" _

_"Why what?" I ask, puzzeled. _

_"Why did you use me? You never loved me! You just used me so that you could win! You're the most selfish person I know!" Peeta screams. _

_I rush to apologize. "I'm so sorry Peeta! I didn't mean it and I was confused and-" _

_"Liar." Peeta sneers. He proceeds to recite an ancient chant. "Liar, liar, pants on fire! Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! I hate you, Katniss Everdeen! Go burn in-" _

_"Katniss, wake up!'' _

I sit up, throat raw from drink and screaming. I gasp for air wildly before leaning over and dry heaving into the bucket. My father looks concerned. He's talking to me, saying something that's probably important. But I can't hear him over my thoughts, and can't read his lips over my non-stopping dry heaves. I feel disoriented, and I can only be sure of one thing: _Peeta would be better off without me. _

And will do anything to make Peeta's life easier.

**A/N: That seriosly killed me to write. I ship Peeniss/Everllark (whichever couple name you prefer) so hard it's not even funny xD I thought my fic needing some spicing up that wasn't violence. Oh, and sorry if my discription of a hangover sucked, I've never been drunk. Please R&R!**


	10. Do the Deed

**A/N: I got another review! :D :D :D :D :D. Than you so much to my guest reviewer! It means so much to me to know that people are reading this :) Here's chapter ten! Oh, and thank you so much to _teampeeta1223 _for the idea of Mr. Everdeen talking to her!  
**

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**Mr. Everdeen's POV **

The next morning, Lilly and I agree that we need to talk to Katniss. After send Prim over to the Hawthorne's, I instruct Katniss to sit on Lilly and I's bed. She's still pretty out of it, but at least she can sit up somewhat straight now. Her head is obviously killing her, so Lilly gives her one of the pills out of the bottle of pain killers every family is issued. Once they kick in, I speak.

"Your mother and I wanted to speak to you."

"About my drinking." Katniss fills in the blanks for herself with a slur still creeping on her voice.

"Well, that and," I think of the right way to put it. "Boys. But drinking first."

"Alright." Katniss shifts, guessing that she'll be there a while.

"Now I realize how much you've been through." I begin, choosing my words. "But drinking is not a good way to handle it."

"I beg to differ." Katniss says. "Not to be disrespectful, but have you ever been drunk?"

"I have." Lilly says, saving me. "And I know for a fact there are better ways to forget. Not to mention drinking is very unhealthy. You'll end up killing yourself if you're not careful!"

Katniss' face is emotionless. "What better way is there to forget?"

"Love." Lilly says. "It's the only thing that saved me after Maysille died."

Katniss huffs. "No offense, mother, but losing a friend isn't what happened to me."

"Explain what it was like in the Arena." I prod, hoping that if she stops bottling herself up she'll stop being in so much pain.

Katniss gets a detached look on her face as she sags back into the lumpy pillow, and for a second I'm afraid that I pushed her back into insanity.

"It was…" she struggles to find the right word. "Terrible. Knowing everyone wants you dead, not knowing who's dead or alive. You could never be sure what was about to happen, the only thing you were sure of was that you were going to die."

"What about the second time?" I question. "You were arguably the strongest competitor. You couldn't have possibly not considered winning as a possibility."

"I didn't want to win." she says simply. "I kept telling myself that it was because there was no way for me to win, but that Peeta had a chance. Deep down, I guess I loved him, even then."

I'm confused. "What do you mean 'there was no way for you to win'"

"President Snow made it clear I wasn't living long."

"I'm not sure I'm following. I know he wasn't happy with you, and that he forced you to get engaged, but how does that equal you dying?"

"He threatened me. And Gale, and all of the Hawthornes. And mother and Prim and possibly even Haymitch."

"What? When did this happen?" Lillys voice is high and tight.

"When Snow came to visit. Oh, and after Peeta proposed, I asked Snow if it was enough. He shook his head."

"Why was I not told?" Lilly asks.

"I wasn't going to endanger you. You're still my mom." Katniss bites her tongue, clearly holding words back. Katniss sighs, and asks; "May I go now?"

I glance at Lilly, and our eyes come to the same answer. "No,'' I say, I still want to talk to you."

"About?"

"Have I told you yet that I have killed a man before?" It's a rhetorical question. I haven't told her yet of the worst thing I ever did do.

My question catches her off guard. "No."

I sigh, burying my head in my right hand. "The first winter me and some of my mining buddies were in the woods was the worst winter I've ever seen. We were starving, and we knew that if we didn't eat we would all surely perish. We drew blades of grass to decide who the unlucky one was. The one who drew the shortest one was Darron. He was only twenty seven; he had a wife and a little boy. I had a makeshift bow, and was the cleanest killer, so I had to do the deed. The very next day we found a brook with fish in it. He died for no reason at all." My voice cracks. My legs start to buckle and I sink down on the bed.

"My first real kill was Marvel." Katniss' voice lacks any emotion at all. "When I killed him, I didn't even know his name. It was completely impulsive, he speared Rue and I put my arrow in his neck. I didn't think. I didn't even hesitate. Honestly? It scared me. It scared me that killing a person was no different than killing a human. And it scared me that I could do both just as easily. " I wrap my arms around her, holding my little girl close. I guess she's not so little anymore.

"I also wanted to talk to you about, uh, boys." For some reason this conversation seems much more awkward than the other one. "I know you love Peeta, but don't do anything… stupid."

"You mean, don't get pregnant?"

I choke a little at her frank manner. Not to mention that didn't even cross my mind. I meant to tell her not to tattoo his name across her wrist or something. I give a nervous laugh. "Yeah, that too."

"What else?"

"When I meant not to do anything stupid, I meant not to go out and get a tattoo in his name or something."

"Oh." Katniss is blushing beet red now.

"I am curious though, I know you and Peeta are together-"

"We're not together."

I'm amused. "What do you call it these days?"

"No, I mean, I'm dumping him.''

"What?" I'm confused. One moment she won't leave his side, the next she's dumping him? That seems a little extreme, even for a seventeen year old girl.

She sighs. "He deserves better. He shouldn't have to be stuck with me.''

I put a hand on her shoulder. "Nonsense. You're a very nice girl you're smart, beautiful, and talented. Any guy would be lucky to have you!"

She scoffs. "Yeah, sure. May I be excused?"

I look at Lilly. "Yes, you can go."

**Peeta's POV **

I step out of the shower and run a towel through my hair, hearing a knock on the door. I ignore it, I know my mother is reading and can get it. I hear a hissing whisper and the sound of a resounding _slap! _The sound awakens something in me. I hastily wrap the grey towel around my waist and jog out, my prosthetic leg slowing me down considerably. I am met by the sight of my mother standing defensively in the doorway, with Katniss standing just outside, cupping her cheek. They're both angry, but not as much as I am. My mother hitting my brothers and I is bad enough, but hitting Katniss for no reason is downright unacceptable. I scoop Katniss up in my arms and sit her on my bed, noticing for the first time how hung over she is.

"What's going on?" Ry asks, stepping out of the small living area.

"Could you grab some ice?" I ask, ignoring the question.

He grabs some from the small freezer, wrapped in a washcloth. "Here." I say, pressing to Katniss' left check. "Let me." I shoot a glance at mother. Ry puts two and two together, but remains silent.

"I'm fine Peeta." She says, squirming from my grasp. "Really."

"I don't think you'll want to have to explain the bruise." I say, well aware how attentive people are of the Mockingjay's wellbeing.

"I'll just say I tripped."

I give a breathy laugh. "Like they'll believe that."

She smirks. "I think they will. C'mon, let's go for a walk."

I kiss her bruise gently, just like she did after our first tribute parade. "Sounds good." I drop the ice and help her up, wrapping an arm around her waist. We exit without bidding goodbye, and wind our way silently through the corridors, until I stop when I notice the tears streaming down her cheeks. I wipe them away, taking care not to hurt her, and ask; "What's wrong?"

She gulps, trying to control herself. "I'm breaking up with you." Then she kisses my cheek like I did not ten minutes ago.

I finally find my voice as she turns to walk away. "Why?" I comes out strangled, and I'm barley holding back tears.

"You don't deserve to be stuck with me."

I watch as she walks away.

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**A/N: Please review! **


	11. Sluaghterhouse

**I do not own The Hunger Games**

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**A/N: Hey! Second chapter today! I had a lot of free time :) I hope you enjoy it! What do y'all think of the fact that it's all in Katniss POV? I am going to warn you right off the bat though, this is one of the heavier chapters. It goes a bit more into Katniss' "Dark place" in her mind, and there's character death. Nothing too crazy, it stays in line with the T rating, but I just wanted to give you a warning so you didn't get a nasty surprise. **

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**Katniss' POV **

Every breath I take is sharp and painful, reminding me of what I just did. _It's for his own good. _I remind myself. Sure, it might be hard, but the right thing is always the most difficult one. I feel as though the walls might close in at any moment now. I have to get out of here. I can't have an episode. Not now.

My breathing is tense and ridged and I know I'm moments away from going back to my dark place. I run, elbowing people in the process, to my family's compartment and throw open the closet door, slamming it behind me. I bite down of my fist, fighting off a scream. Tears pour down my face and I'm back in the Capitol, watching Peeta getting tortured and him not caring, not caring because since I dumped him he doesn't want to live anymore. I unlodge my fist from my mouth, needing both my hands to cover my ears, to water the screams down. It's all too real to be a nightmare.

I bite down on my lip now to keep my scream in check, biting down so hard blood pools in my mouth. They lock him in the tank now, him screaming my name. Begging me to kill him physically, since I've already killed him mentally. I whimper, biting my lip harder . I can't contain the scream any longer. I have just enough sanity left to muffle it, so I scream into my knees, screaming his name, screaming for mercy, screaming for air to calm my angry lungs, but most of all screaming for relief from the never ending pain, all in one gut wrenching sound. The sound alerts my parents, and someone must throw open the door and pick me up, while I remain curled in my ball. I fight the hands, wanting the quiet, the security of my closet, but finding the exposed danger of my bed. Then a needle plunges into my neck and everything goes dark.

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When the darkness clears, my mother looks as if she is about to faint, my father is just out of my field of vision, and Gale looks worried.

"Hey, Catnip." He says slowly, pushing the hair from my eyes.

I roll my eyes, pushing myself up despite my splitting headache. "I'm not retarded, Gale. Insane, yes, but not retarded." He grins, shaking his head. "How long was I out?" I ask.

"About half an hour." Prim's voice surprises me. She walks and sits down on the foot of my bed. I push myself all the way up and sit closer to her.

"I got you something in the market today, little duck." I say, fishing around in my pocket for the now slightly cracked piece of hard caramel.

A smile lights her face as she delicately unwraps it before popping it in her mouth. "Yum!" She says. "Oh, and could you help me with my history homework?"

"Of course!" I say. Prim grabs her textbook and a piece of paper, and I grab a pencil.

"What are you confused about?" I ask, looking at the map of what used to be part of Panem.

"I need help figuring out where District Eleven was. It says it was centered around Atlanta, Georgia, but I can't find Georgia."

Gale looks over my shoulder, trying to find it, too. "Well," I say, "It's about a little over two hours to District Eleven from District Twelve, and it's pretty much directly south, so that would make," I pause searching for the elusive Georgia for a moment, before finding it. "This Georgia."

"Thank you!" Prim chirps happily.

A voice calls out over the intercom. "Mockingjay crew to Command, I repeat, Mockingjay crew to Command."

Gale sighs. "That's us, Catnip."

I stand, and Gale follows. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I promise my family.

Gale and I walk to Command, me trialing behind, the sedative still working its way out of my system.

"You alright?'' Gale asks, stopping and looking over his shoulder. I catch up to him before responding.

"Of course." I say, his comment brushing me the wrong way for some reason. "I'm not weak, you know."

Gale pushes the button on the elevator. "I know, just wondering, with you breaking up with Mellark and all."

I step into the elevator angrily. "Who told you about that?" I demand.

"I heard it straight from the horse's mouth." He says. "Your mother sent me to go get him when you started screaming, and he told me that you broke up with him." The elevator door opens and I grumble curses under my breath while stalking into Command before plopping myself unceremoniously in one of the grey chairs that isn't taken. Boggs sits at the head of the table.

"The capitol was advertising that they were slaughtering a rebel tonight. We don't know who it is."

"Why are you leading us and not Coin?" Finnick asks.

"She was attacked." He replies. "I'll go into the details later, but for now we have to see who they're executing."

We all turn our attention to the projection screen. The Capitol seal appears, before fading to a live shot of the stocks. In the stocks stands a familiar woman, though I can barely recognize her. This woman has chin length curly red hair, eyes like emeralds and skin so light I'd be surprised if it had ever seen the light of day.

Haymitch's voice is pained. "Effie." He whispers.

President Snow's voice speaks. "This is Effie Trinket. She turned her back on her loving country and wishes for war to rock it, for violence to take over. In protection of the country, Miss. Trinket must be taken care of. But first, I will allow her to speak her final words.

Effie's voice is trembling when she speaks, though her Capitol accent is no less. "Haymitch." She squeaks. "Haymitch help! Save our daughter! She's with the best drinks in the Capit-"

A peacekeeper appears on screen and shoves his gun in the back of her neck. "Enough already! We don't have all day, traitor." He looks to Snow. "May I?"

Even Effie , dumb as she is, realizes what he's talking about. This is it. "Haymitch I love you!" She screams in a frantic rush. Than the gun fires and Effie Trinket's short life ends. Haymitch buries his head in his hands briefly before excusing himself silently by exiting the room.

There's a moment of silence. For her, out of respect. As annoying she was, she risked it all for the rebellion. She was on our side, because of Peeta, because of me. Because of Haymitch. And ultimately, she paid the final price. She paid the rebellion not with intelligence, not with secrets, not with weapons, but with her _life. _She will never see the sun, or breath fresh air again. Now I have to make sure Snow meets the same fate.

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**A/N: Not sure how I feel about the ending. Thoughts? Oh, and sorry for the overly dramatic Hayffie xD Please R&R!**


	12. Fight the good fight

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay! Here you go! Review?**

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Katniss_ POV_

After the meeting, I go back to my family's compartment and flop on my bed. All I want to do is sleep for a very long time and only wake up to kill Snow. The sad part is that it's only lunchtime. I make no move to get up though; instead I just pull the blankets closer around my shoulders. Oh, how I wish that I didn't dump Peeta, telling me that Effie didn't die in vain, that I didn't kill her, and that Haymitch will be fine. But he's not here. He's not here because I _told _him not to be here. Because I pushed him out of my life.

I bury my head in my pillow, trying to staunch the tears that are starting to come. Why did I dump him? Is he really better off without me? He loved me, doesn't that mean that no matter how broken I am, he's always happier with me than without? I push the last thought out of my head. Peeta is much better off without me. A knock on the door startles me, and suddenly conscious of my tear stained appearance; I try to stall whoever it is.

"Just a minute!" I yell. "I'm, uh, getting dressed!"

I quickly rush to the bathroom and wipe the signs of tears from my face before opening the door. "Mockingjay." Finnick greets. "Quick, follow me; we're having an informal meeting at Haymitch's."

I follow behind Finnick, jogging to catch up with his long strides. I gag slightly as the stench hits me. Even here in Thirteen where Haymitch has to be more discreet about his drinking, his small compartment is repulsive. I openthe door and find Haymitch, Peeta, Gale and Cinna seated at a table.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Sweetheart." Haymitch sneers. "And look, you're actually sober and somewhat sane too!"

I inwardly sigh. Finnick and Cinna did _not _need to know about my alcohol binge. I snort at him. "Like your one to speak against drinking." Finnick's eyebrows shoot up and he holds back as he holds back a laugh. "And about the closet thing.."

"Closet thing?" Haymitch asks.

Crap. How am I going to explain this? I try and back pedal. "Oh, uh, nothing."

Finnick snorts. "They had to sedate you."

I scowl at him. "How'd you find out?"

He gives me a cocky grin. "I have my ways."

I roll my eyes. "Come on, what's the big deal? Can't a girl hide in a closet anymore?"

Gale speaks up somberly. "Not when they're screaming bloody murder."

I cross my arms as I feel Peeta's eyes on me. "I was not screaming bloody murder. I muffled it." I grumble the last part.

"Anyway." Haymitch starts, ignoring the banter in the room. "Snare boy here," He points his thumb at Gale. "Had a streak of brilliance and devised plan. He's going to hijack a hovercraft, and Finnick will fly us to the Capitol," I flinch slightly at the mention of the Capitol, "And we'll get my daughter and then fly home. You in or not?"

I voice my thoughts. "Do we really trust Finnick to be able to fly a hovercraft without killing us all?"

"Hey!" Finnick exclaims. "I just so happen to be a certified pilot."

"I'm in." I say. "When do we leave?"

"Tonight." Haymitch says. "One last thing, don't tell anybody anything. We're doing this unauthorized, so we don't want any outsiders involved."

"Done." I say, turning to go.

"And Katniss?" I turn around, shocked that Haymitch used my real name.

''Yes?" I say, observing Haymitch's eyes that glisten with unshed tears.

"Thanks." He says. He swallows the emotion in his voice and wipes it from his face. "Now will all of you go and leave me alone? I have a bottle of lonely alcohol to attend to."

I shake my head and leave, as do the others. I make my way back to my family's compartment, where I find my father, waiting for me no doubt.

"Hey." He says. "I came to get you for lunch, but you weren't here. "

"I wasn't hungry." I say, trying to come up with a believable story. "So I went for a walk." I flop down on my bed, more exhausted than ever.

"There's still plenty of time to eat, you missed breakfast this morning and I think you should eat." My father says, sitting down next to me.

"I'm really not hungry." I say honestly. "But I am really tired. I was thinking of taking a nap or something."

He pats my leg. "Alright." He says. "I know you had a rough night last night."

I take off my shoes but leave my socks on, not wanting to look at the spaces where my little toes used to be. My father stands and walks to the door, but his hand hovers above the doorknob.

"Anything the matter?" I ask.

He turns to face me. "Can… Can I tuck you in? Like I did when you were little?"

Considering I'm leaving on an unauthorized dangerous mission without anyone knowing where I went, I decide that for the time being it would be best to make my father happy while I can. "Of course." I slide my calves under the blanket and let my father pull it all the way up to my neck. I give a contented sigh and burrow into the lumpy mattress.

My father kisses my forehead. "Sleep tight."

_Prim sits at a gravestone, sobbing. "You left me!" she screams. "You left me Katniss! You didn't even warn me! I hate you, Katniss! I hate you!" _

_"Prim!" I call, running towards her. I reach out to touch her shoulder, but my hand goes right through her. Only then do I see the inscription on the headstone. _

_Katniss Everdeen _

_May 8__th__, 2206- November 27__th__, 2223_

_Sister, Daughter, Victor _

_"I'm so sorry." I whisper. _

_President Snow waltzes over and places a bouquet of white roses on my grave. "Come with me, darling." He says to Prim. _

_"No!" she protests "I don't want to go!''_

_"Well you must." He hisses. "For you are a tribute in the Seventy Sixth Annual Hunger Games!" _

_"No!" She screams. _

_Suddenly, I'm no longer watching Prim, but Peeta instead. But I'm not a ghost now. He slides a blade over his neck. I pick up the note at his side, eloquently written as only Peeta can do. It essentially says that since I'm alive, he must die, since he can't stand to look at me without feeling worthless. _

_"But I love you." I whisper to his corpse, brushing the hair from his eyes. _

_ Prim runs through a forest, dodging spears wildly. She falls into a pit of vipers, and the career pack from my first Games shows up and all at once they launch their weapons into her limbs, pinning her to the ground and blinding her with pain. They very slowly chop her up, inch by inch, savoring her extreme pain. When her legs and arms are gone, Cato raises his sword above his head, preparing his final blow-_

"Katniss, wake up!" When my father wakes me up, I'm screaming and sweating, as always. This nightmare seemed worse than any other one I've had yet. I lean over and retch into the trash bin that I haven't remembered to pick up yet. I only get up a little water and leftover bile before I'm dry heaving for the second time today. After about a minute and a half, it's over and my mother presses the back of her hand to my forehead.

"You're running a little warm." She says, frowning.

I curl up, leaning against the wall and shaking from the sheer terror. I hear my mother walk over, carrying a sloshing bowl of water. I don't have to open my eyes to know that she intends to wipe my forehead down.

"No." I whisper faintly. I can't have another episode right now. I can't even shower yet, and even taking a sponge bath is something that often turns out badly.

"Katniss." A voice that I recognize as Gale says softly. "She needs to cool you down."

"Please." I ask, my chest still heaving wildly. "Just give me a minute."

"All right." My father says, apprehensive of my mental health. Gale reaches out his rough coal miner hands and strokes my arm, trying to calm me. It only reminds me of President Snow's voice in my nightmare, however.

I yank my arm away. "Don't." I say faintly. I focus on breathing. In, out, in, out, in, out. Finally, I'm sure I'm not going to slip away and I open my eyes.

My mother cautiously raises the wet cloth to my head, and I tell her off. "I'm fine, really." My eyes dart around the room and don't see my younger sister. "Where's Prim?" I ask, worried that Snow really got her. I sit all the way up, grabbing the knife I keep under my mattress.

"She's over at my compartment, with Rory." Gale eyes the knife suspiciously. "You can drop that."

I laugh and hand him the object in question. "Here, you can have it. Probably best, anyway."

Gale grins and flips it over in his hands before giving a low whistle. "How'd you get your hands on a knife like this down here?"

I give him a sly grin as I stand up, taking care not to bump my head on the top bunk. "Hey, what can I say? I have connections." My eyes find the floor, grinning, and I notice with dismay that both my socks fell off. I start searching through the bed sheets, trying to find them.

''Looking for these?" Gale dangles the elusive grey socks directly in front of my nose and I turn around to face him.

"Yes!" I snap, not really all that annoyed. I grab the socks and notice how close our lips are. Gulping, I take a step back. Gale follows, but the back of his head hits the edge of the top bunk.

"Ow." He says good naturedly, rubbing the spot where it hit.

I grin and Gale bids a farewell, saying that there is a mandatory viewing in under five minutes and he best be back home by then.

"You mean we have to watch it again?''

Gale grimaces. "Apparently."

"That's what they called you into command for?" My father asks, after emptying the trash bin the contents of my stomach took refuge in.

"Yes." I reply. "They executed Effie Trinket."

My father's eyebrows burrow. "But why? Wasn't she opposed to the rebels?"

"No." I say. "She was, originally. But I guess after spending so much time watching tributes die and watching victors struggle, she realized that it wasn't all that the Capitol says it was."

Gale looks at the clock before excusing himself and heading back over to his family's compartment. Prim settles in front of the TV that will click on in a few minutes, and I hang in the back of the room until it hits me what I'm doing. I am running away from my demons. Just like what my mother did. This thought is so jarring, so undeniably _real _that I sit right next to Prim, giving her a reassuring smile.

Watching my escort's final moments for a second time is easier. I focus on the crowd, trying to find the most outrageous outfit in the sea of people watching and cheering. At first, I think that the woman dressed in a dress made entirely out of newspaper won, but a second look squashes that as I decide that the elderly man who is completely naked and covered entirely in glitter beats her.

The short broadcast ends and I look at my schedule. I have to shoot some propos and then dinner, and after dinner I'm supposedly going to bed, though I'll really be high-tailing it to the Capitol. I excuse myself, explaining that I have to go film, earning a worried glance passed between my parents. I ignore the last part and make my way to the Camera Room. Cinna greets me and hands me a garment bag. I unzip it, finding the back of an electric red dress that's pattered with flames beneath.

"What angle does Coin want?" I ask as Cinna ushers me into a dressing room.

"Fiery." He says with a twinkle in his eye. "And rebellious. The districts need some encouragement"

I shake my head with a smirk and Cinna turns around as I dress, and when I'm done I look into the mirror, awestruck. "Cinna." I breathe. "This is amazing."

Amazing is an understatement. The dress hugs me in all the right places, giving me some shape, but still making me look innocent. It's a fiery red with the emblem of my mockingjay stamped on the bottom right hand corner. The dress is almost completely open in the back, and falls just above my knee, but it's so gorgeous I can't bring myself to care about the amount of skin showing. It's strapless, but the neckline sits high on my chest.

Cinna carefully applies a touch of makeup to me before Peeta pokes his head in. "You ready to go?" His tone is icy, and Cinna is surprised.

"Yes." I say. Cinna hands me my shoes and I refrain from makeing a face. Six inch stiletto heels. Great. I slip them on and almost immediately nearly fall over. I may have gotten good at heels, but I've never worn any over four inches tall. Ever. So now I can barely walk, and I have to film with Peeta, who doesn't want to talk to me. Peeta offers me his arm and I take it, and use the added height of my heels to my advantage. "I did it for your own good." I hiss in his left ear.

"How so?" He whispers icily with his teeth gritted in a false smile.

I don't respond, because Plutarch comes and starts positioning Peeta and I, moving away and head together, giving me a bow, and telling us what to say and how to say it. Apparently, I'm to shoot arrows around Peeta after we 'show our love for one another'. Peeta and I are lead fifty feet over to a back drop- I'm pleased to say I only tripped twice- before we're shoved together.

Peeta and I are now quite accustomed to acting in love. Peeta puts his arm around me, but I notice how firm it is. Unloving, really. Lips brush ears and other lips, the cold white lights highlighting it all. He pulls me close, and I try to whisper _I still love you_ with my body and my mind, but he doesn't get it. He assumes the way I my back arches into him, and the imperceptible sigh, even the way I move my fingers is for show. I go up on my toes, the heels still being an inch or two too short to allow me direct access to his lips, and kiss him. Hard.

He's surprised. This isn't in the script. Peeta, ever the showman though, takes it in stride. He tightens his grip on me and I grip his suit coat hungrily. I feel that fire again, the one I felt on the beach. I'm hungry for Peeta. For him to make me feel loved. Peeta lifts me off the ground and I respond by wrapping my legs around him. This is too much for the seventeen- year- old- boy side of Peeta, and he pushes me against the nearest wall. I eagerly slide my tongue into his mouth and he moans embarrassingly loud and slides his hands down my hips.

"Jesus Crist! We do not want to see you and Peeta taking off each other's clothes, Sweetheart!" Haymitch shouts, exasperated.

I blush and jump off Peeta quickly, but can't balance in the heels and fall directly on my rear. Peeta's hand that helps me up is all too formal but I take it anyway, ever conscious of being filmed. We stick to the script after that, and Peeta is still as a statue when I shoot arrows around him, never once touching him. After I've shot all the arrows I was instructed to, I go one step further and shoot a heart around Peeta's head. Cressida smiles and Peeta takes my hand once more for the cameras. As soon as the devices are turned off, however, we separate as far as we can. Cinna tells me that my regular clothes have been sent back to my room, and I begin to yank off my shoes before Plutarch stops me.

"I would keep those on. The dress looks better with them and our forces have been feeling down." He says. I sigh and fall six times on my way back my left ankle deciding to protest somewhere along the line.

* * *

I limp in to my family's compartment and find Gale, Hazell, and Mr. Hawthorne talking to my parents. I sit down on my bed and finally, gratefully yank off my heels. I can feel the eyes in the room shift to me and Gale's gaze lingers a little too long on my chest for a close friend before he strides over, inspecting one of the shoes.

His brow furrows. "It looks like a weapon." He says, only half joking.

I ponder this for a moment. "Actually." I muse. "You probably could kill someone with it." I kick the backs of Gale's knees, landing him on the ground. I pick up one of the heels, and briefly recall what the trainer at the knives station said on stabbing someone just before my second games. "If you kicked someone hard enough here;" I wiggle the heel of the shoe around on a certain part of his back. "The heel would go between two vertebrae and puncture a lung and possibly your heart."

"Was it really nessicary to pin me to the ground to say that?" Gale asks, standing up.

"Hey, you try walking around in these," I hold up the heels. "For two hours and see if you're in a good mood."

"When are you ever in a good mood?" Gale teases and I laugh, along with Hazell and my parents.

I give a tinkling laugh, trying to conceal my laugh as I walk to the dresser and open my drawer, pulling out some of the issued grey clothes. I can feel my mother watching me as I turn and head in the direction of the bathroom so I can change.

"Does your ankle hurt?" She asks. "It looks swollen."

"It's fine." I reply, shutting the door.

I struggle with the zipper on the dress a bit before finally managing to break free. I push it down around my ankles and step out of it, shaking my pants out of their fold. I step in my pants and button them before yanking the zipper up and putting on my socks. I slide the long sleeve shirt on and put a sweater on too, seeing as District Thirteen is always about the same temperature that District Twelve is during early spring. I test my ankle, feeling how painful it really is, before remembering to wash the makeup from my face. I scrub my face raw before turning and exiting, not bothering to put on shoes. As I walk into the living-slash- sleeping area, I'm suddenly aware of the elaborate braid my hair is in, so I yank out the pins as I walk to put my dress in my drawer, leaving my hair loose and wavy, floating all the way down my back.

Gale looks at his watch. "Dinner time!" He chimes. He looks at my feet. "Might I suggest shoes, Catnip?"

I laugh and grab some shoes, instantly deciding not to sit down to put them on as that might make my mother suspicious. I slip my left shoe on quite easily but realize the flaw in my logic as I move to put on my right. Putting on my shoe without sitting down will mean putting all my weight on my left foot. I manage to do it silently with only a grimace, and thank god no one is looking in my direction. We walk out the door and Gale and I walk ahead of our parents and Gale speaks quietly into my ear.

''Will your ankle be okay during our mission?" he asks.

"Yes." I answer.

There's a vibrating in his pocket and he pulls out. "Coin wants you in her office pronto." He says, loud enough for my parents to hear. I sigh and wave goodbye, wondering what horrors she has in store for me now.

* * *

Coin is seated at her desk, leaning on it heavily for support when I walk in.

"Katniss." She greets me as if we were old friends, not two people who want the other dead.

"Alma." I greet, mocking her.

She fake frowns. "I assure you, this is a friendly visit." Her voice is weak.

I snort. "Friendly by whose terms?"

"I'm pleased with the footage." Coin begins. "So, I wanted to let you choose between a few rewards: A bar, a moving staircase, or heated compartments."

Well, I know one of those things will come in handy if I have to deal with her on a regular basis. "A bar." I say.

"Dismissed." She says. I nod and turn before Coin calls one more thing. ''Hopefully we can work like this more often!"

My voice is dangerously icy when I turn and face her. "Good luck."


	13. Oh, dear me

**A/N: Sorry for the late update! This chapter is odd, sorry :/ And just a warning, there is some non descriptive self- harm. **

**Oh, and thank you to ****TeamPeeta1223**** for reviewing, and for our guest reviewer! I would also love it if y'all would check out my other Hunger Games story, and tell me what you think :) And a big thank you to everybody who favorited and/or followed this! It means the world to me.**

* * *

I walk into the cafeteria, not being able to hide my limp. I collect my food and are grateful that my footsteps are still silent enough to sneak up on the group, so when I sit down next to Gale he curses with surprise.

"Gale! There are children present!" Hazell scolds, shooting him a motherly look.

"Sorry." He turns and looks me in the eye. "What did Coin want?"

"Nothing really, just told me that she liked the footage." I keep his gaze, trying to tell him that I'm not lying, that I'm safe. A take a bite of food and force myself to swallow. It sticks like glue in my mouth, and I can barely force it down. I take a gulp of water before putting down my spoon, opting to skip dinner. I push my eggplant around in my bowl, thinking about my Games before my father pulls me out of my reverie.

"Katniss?"

"Oh, sorry, what did you say?" I look over Prim's head at him.

"I said that you should eat. You haven't had a thing to eat all day."

I shrug. "I'm just not really hungry, to be honest. Do you want some, Prim?"

"Are you sure you don't want it?" Prim asks.

"Positive." I slide my bowl over before excusing myself. Since I'm still 'Mentally Unstable', I don't have a strict schedule, so I head back to my room and sit in the only chair, idly picking up a book on music, of all things. I prop my ankle up, sighing in relief. A few pages of my book later, my mother comes in.

"Your ankle looks bad.'' She says, frowning. "Please, let me look at it."

I pull it away. "It's fine."

"Katniss," My mother sighs. "I know I was never a mother to you, nor will I ever really be. But at least let me be your doctor."

I begrudgingly push my ankle out. She prods her fingers into it and I wince. My mother talks about how because of all the stress, my ankle never really healed and the heels aggravated or something like that. She wraps some ice in a towel and puts it on my ankle, and I have to hold back a sigh of pleasure. My father and Prim walk in, and my father smiles because I let my mother help me.

"Can you help me with my homework again?" Prim asks.

"Sure." I scoot over, making room for Prim's small body. "What do you need help with?"

"Social studies." Prim says. "We're studying the Second Quarter Quell."

My mother's face washes white and my father goes to fetch her some water. "What do you need help with?"

"The arena. Wasn't it a dessert?''

"No." I correct her. "It was beautiful, clear water and open spaces, forests and blue skies, and all sorts of animals."

Prim cuts in. "But then it should've been easy to survive!"

"You didn't let me finish." I say with a grin. I sober up again as I remember that we're talking about a place where forty seven children lost their lives. "Everything was poisonous. The water, the fruit, everything. They animals were all mutts, too."

This shocks Prim. "Oh." She scribbles something down before speaking again. "I, uh, also had a question about your Quell."

I flinch at the mention of the Quell. Today has not been a good day, in terms of my mental health. Maybe it's the gloom of the overhanging mission, but I already feel the pain it takes to breathe, a sure sign I'm about to have an episode. I have to focus on something else. _Prim. _My mind says, yes, yes, I should think of Prim. She's grown up too fast. She shouldn't have to deal with an insane sister, much less be aware of exactly how unstable I really am.

I gulp and try to stop the shaking in my hands. "What was your question?"

"I can't remember what happened in the ten to eleven o'clock section.''

An image of the huge tidal wave crashing down flashes through my mind and I flinch. I gulp and unsuccessfully try to calm my shaking hands. ''Tidal wave." I regretfully note how unsteady my voice is.

My father flashes his eyes in my direction, concerned. I pick my book up and flip to the back, noticing for the first time the large amount of sheet music for songs composed before the dark days. Prim moves over to finish studying and I flip through the songs and one catches my eye. It's entitled _The Ever Sleeping _and the lyrics are beautiful, and combined with the simple yet enchanting melody, I'm intrigued. A glance at the clock shows me that there's still an hour until lights out, so I give my father a knowing grin.

He returns it and speaks. "Find something you want to sing?"

I give quick, breathy laugh and nod sheepishly. "Here." I hand him the book and we sing, our voices melting together beautifully besides the inevitable mistakes, and after what feels like no time at all we have it perfected. _"The ever sleeping do no weeping, but they feel no joy…." _ I look at the clock and see that I still have half an hour until lights out, and an hour after that until I leave.

"I'm going to take a shower." I say walking into the bathroom.

"Sweetie?" My mother starts. "I don't think that's a good idea. You've been having a rough day an-"

"I'm taking a shower. It's not negotiable. I don't want to turn into you." The words are out of my mouth before I can think, and I regret them instantly. My mother looks as if she's been shot and a tear leaks out of her eye. ''Mom I'm sorry I wasn't thinking and-" _slap! _

My mother has taken me by surprise, and I fall to my knees. Prim looks frightened, my father is horrified, and I'm left sitting there, speechless. My mother realizes what she just did and breaks down into hysterics and I stand to go take comfort Prim as my father hurries to reassure my mother. I hold my hand out to Prim and she takes it, tears pooling in her eyes.

Once we're outside I hold her shoulders and try to comfort her as she sobs. "It's okay, Primmie, it doesn't hurt, it was a one-time thing, I deserved it, shh, shh, it's okay, breathe."

"Hey." Gale greets, stepping out of his compartment. He frowns when he sees Prim sobbing into my chest. He kneels down. "What happened?" He asks, looking me in the eyes. "Why is your eye black?"

"Mother hit her!" Prim sobs before I can come up with some kind of reasonable excuse. Gale sets his jaw and stands, but I put my hand on his chest, wordlessly commanding him to stop.

"She didn't hit me. She slapped me. And besides, I deserved it.''

"She can't do that."

"She's sorry!" I say. "And she's still my mother."

Gale visibly swallows his rage. "Prim, here, come on, why don't you come into my compartment. I need to talk to Katniss." He picks her up and walks her into his family's compartment, leaving her with Hazell I suppose, while I just stand outside, confused. When Gale comes back he grabs my arm and looks me straight in the eye. "I'm worried." He admits.

"About?''

"You." He states. "About your mental health, your relationship with Coin, all of it. But mostly, I'm afraid of losing you. Catnip, I- I still love you." Then he cups my face with his hands and kisses me.

His kisses aren't like Peeta's. Peeta's kisses are gentle, with a subdued passion. Gale's are hot, hard, and make me a bit uncomfortable, since he leads them, not me. But yet I can't help that they make me feel _good,_ wonderful, really.

"Gale." I pant, the kiss leaving me out of breath. "Don't.''

His hand slips dangerously low on my back. "Why not?'' He mummers, bringing his lips closer to mine.

"I don't love you. Not like this, not right now."

He's hurt. Very. "All right, then."

I walk away without glancing over my shoulder.

* * *

My mother is all over me the second I walk through the door. She rushes up to me, still sobbing. "Katniss! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." I say briskly, brushing past her angrily. I storm into the bathroom and slam the door angrily. I turn the shower on as hot as it will go, and sit in the shower, fighting off memories. After a while I turn it off, my clothes now soaked. I wrap a towel around me after throwing my wet clothes in the sink, and grab a warm change of clothes before trudging back into the bathroom to change. I spot my father's razor blade, and my fingers inch towards his razor blade. _No_. My head tells me. But I can't help it, and soon blood drips down my arm. I then turn into bed, not hiding the obvious cut. All too soon, my last hour of safety has passed, and I slip into the night, conscious that I could've very well just saw my family for the last time.

* * *

**A/N: Please, never ****_ever_**** harm yourself. If you feel like you need to cut yourself, please, please, ****_please _****talk to someone, and get help. **


	14. Realization

**Warning: Extreme fluffiness alert!**

* * *

I stride onto the awaiting hovercraft and Haymitch speaks.

"Bout time you showed up, sweetheart."

I roll my eyes at him. "We agreed on a time, not my fault you snuck out early."

"Thank you for flying with Odair airline! Please make sure that your seats are in an upright position. Katniss, shut the nightlock up and sit down." Finnick chooses to use the intercom despite the fact that we can all easily hear him without it.

The hovercraft is small, yet powerful. Theirs one bed that's large enough for two people, a row of seats, a pilots' chair with all sorts of controls that I have no idea in terms of what they do, and all together it's only about five foot by fifteen foot. It's fast though. Very. Soon we're flying away crazily as Haymitch pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"All righty." He says. "Katniss, Peeta, you two get the bed first shift. For sleeping only, I might add.''

I glare at him for the implications of his last comment. Secretly, I'm thankful though. Peeta is clearly still mad at me, and now I'll have a chance to talk to him privately. We lay down as far apart as we can, and Peeta turns his back to me. I wait until I know Peeta is on the edge of sleep. It feels like forever, but I know it's only about fifteen minutes. Peeta's always been the sleepiest person I know. He falls asleep quickly and takes forever to wake up.

"Peeta." I whisper in his ear. He mumbles a reply and rolls over. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" He's careful to keep his voice down.

My voice sounds like a little girl's when I speak. "I only broke up with you because I love you."

"Please, enlighten me."

"You deserve someone better."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Peeta's harsh tone takes me by surprise. "I love you." He says, pulling me as close as he can. "You and only you. Nobody else will make me happy."

It all clicks. I bury my head in his chest. "I'm so sorry." I whisper, blaming the tears that are starting to fall on the stress of the day. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid. I'm sorry for causing you pain."

"It's alright," He pulls the blanket closer around my shoulders. "As long as I have you, I'm happier than you will ever know. "

I wiggle in an attempt to get closer to him, closing my eyes as I do so. "We should sleep."

He kisses my hair. "I wish I could take your nightmares away." He says ruefully.

"I wish you could, too."

* * *

_Sterile white as far as the eye can see. The distinct smell of roses fills the white room and far, far away in the distance a rolling black cloud gathers momentum on the horizon. I try to turn, to look, to find a way out of here, but I'm frozen. I can only stand, never moving, not once blinking, unable to even breathe. The cloud is moving ominously slow, but soon it is but twenty feet from where I stand. Something pricks my skin and I suddenly understand what is happening: this is the poisonous fog from The Quell. Numberless amounts of blisters break open and blood pools on the floor. Looking down, I see a reflection, a memory. Mags kisses Finnick and before taking her final steps into the fog. Her libs twitch uncontrollably and suddenly Peeta is there too, dying along with her. Screams fill the air, the kind that chill you to the bone and makes you want to cup your hands over your ears. Everybody is screaming, screaming, as they die. Peeta, Prim, my father, Rue, even Cinna. _

_"Katniss!" _

I wake up screaming, sobbing and soaked in sweat. Before Peeta can even whisper a syllable of soothing words I'm leaning over the edge of the bed, heaving. Nothing comes up at first, but as soon as Peeta starts holding an air sickness bag under my mouth I manage to get up about a quarter of a cup of water, which is all I've consumed since my 'nap' earlier today. Conscious of the others watching me, I wipe away my tears.

"I'm fine." I croak, swinging my shaky legs out of bed.

"Just sit for a moment." Peeta says, moving my legs back under the covers.

"I said I was fine!'' I hiss.

Peeta catches my arm. "Katniss." He says. "Just sit for a moment, okay? I don't want you puking all over the hovercraft." He smiles slightly at his joke and drops his eyes as I scowl. His eyes find the arm he was holding and his smile drops as he sees the cuts on my arm. Wordlessly, he begins to trace them with his finger.

"I'm fine."

He knows I'm not talking about the nightmare anymore.

"Hey, star crossed lovers!" Haymitch says all too loudly. "Your shift is up!"

Peeta's eyes never leave my arm as we walk the few feet to our seats. He invites me to lay my head in his lap and I accept, pulling my knees to my chest. Peeta doesn't relax at all though, as though he has no idea of sleeping. I manage to roll over in the small space provided and face him. He's still staring at my arm bleakly.

I sit up and put my ears on his lips. "I'm fine."

He shakes his head before leaning to whisper back. "You're not."

I gulp. "Can we talk about this later?"

"No." Johanna's head turns and Peeta realizes he's been too loud. "No," he whispers in my ear. ''We need to talk about this now. Please, Katniss, promise me that you'll never hurt yourself again."

I look him eye, finding them shining with tears. "I promise."

He brings his lips to mine.

"I like the sound of that."

"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth." Johanna says, flopping down on the bed. Gale follows, giving Peeta a dark look. Peeta leans back and closes his eyes, and I curl my legs up to my chest so I can lay with my head in his lap. Soon we drift off into restless sleep, bracing ourselves for the terrors of the mind to come.


	15. Beginning of the End

''Get up." Haymitch's voice pulls us out of a somewhat peaceful sleep and I scowl at him. His next words fill me with dread. "We're in the Capitol."

I stand up, setting my jaw in hopes to counter act the shaking in my knees. Cinna passes out weapons, bows for Gale and I, knives for Peeta and Haymitch, an axe for Johanna, trident for Finnick, and lastly a spear for himself. We exit, and I notice the orange sky, ablaze with sunrise. Haymitch hurries us on before and can take it in though.

"Hurry." He inspects the map in his hands. He points in the opposite side direction of the sun. "We need to get five miles that way before our cover's blown."

We set off at a steady jog, hiding behind brightly colored artificial trees when we can. It's tough on my out of shape body, and I can't help but regret not eating before the mission. It's also rough on my mental shape. I try to focus on the back of Peeta's head, but the one time my eyes stray I swear I cold smell roses. Had there been anything in my stomach, it would be on the ground right about now. Twenty minutes of jogging later, I'm stumbling, gasping for breath, and know I'm about to pass out by the dark spots on my vision.

"Can we rest for a minute?" I manage to get out.

Haymitch shakes his red face. "No." He does stop though, as do the others. "Hop on lover boy's back if you need to, but we can't stop."

Peeta walks over to me, frowning slightly as he realizes just how close to collapsing I am. "Here.'' He says, "You look like you're about to collapse."

I have no choice but to accept, despite how weak it makes me look. I wrap my legs around his waist and realize how an awkward position we're in. I blush instantly, hoping no one notices. And just like that we're off, jogging against the rising sun with the cold air and chill of our mission on our heels. I steady my breathing to the point where I'm not about to faint and slide off Peeta and start running again, this time right next to him instead of behind. The bar where Haymitch's daughter is in sight when a gunshot rings out and a body falls to the ground.

I cry out the victim's name as I fall to his side. _"Cinna!" _

**Peeta's POV **

Katniss falls to Cinna's side and all I know is that she is going die if she doesn't move. I run as faster than I ever have and scoop her up just as the gun goes off again. A bullet rips through my shoulder and assumedly into Katniss by her whimper of pain. An uncountable number of bullets fly through the air and I grit my teeth and dive through the door of the bar. I place Katniss on the lone chair, trying to coax her hands off her ears.

"He's dead." She whimpers, doubling over with the weight of the world. "I felt for a pulse. He's gone because of me."

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, it's not your fault."

"Mellark." Gale appears with a first aid kit. "I don't think you're helping. She's been having a rough day; I would just back off and put some pressure on your shoulder."

"I can't not try." I say, looking him in the eye. "I can't let her fight it alone."

"You won't." He holds up a small syringe. "I found morphling."

I glance at Katniss, seeing her whimpering to herself and I realize that as we stand, it really is the right choice. I step aside, allowing him access to inject her. Finnick tosses me a towel and I press it to my shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding, though my main concern right now is Katniss. The morphling takes affect almost immediately and soon her eyes are open but unseeing. She starts to relax to the point of falling out of the chair, but thankfully Gale catches her before she hits the floor. As I scan my eyes around the room, I notice something's missing.

"Where's Haymitch?"

Heads turn around the room, looking for him, as Johanna shrugs. "Beats me. Probably off drinking and/or getting his daughter."

We all relax as this is most likely true, and I walk over to Katniss. It saddens me to see her like this, like a scared little girl. While keeping a hand on my shoulder, I walk over and slide her into my lap. I've noticed her arm bleeding, as has Gale. He picks up tweezers, antiseptic, and an extra towel. I grab Katniss and sit her on my lap. Her body is limp as Gale digs out the bullet.

"Must've been a pretty good gun," Gale muses to himself. "To have made it all the way through you and still make it this far into Catnip."

He finally succeeds in digging the bullet out and wipes antiseptic onto it. He finds a bandage and messily wraps it up. He glances at me.

"I would put some more pressure on that." He says, nodding towards my shoulder.

I nod and follow his order, gritting my teeth to prevent from crying out. Finnick grabs a length of rope, and I give him a questioning glance as he starts to wrap it around my injured shoulder.

"I'm trying to hold the towel in place so you can have your hands back." He explains, fingers intricately knotting it. He's finished within three minutes and I'm impressed. Just as I open my mouth to thank him, Haymitch returns, carrying a little girl of about seven. The morphling seems to already be losing it potency, and Katniss' eyes flit about the girl's reddish brown hair, emerald eyes, and thin lips.

"Everyone," Haymitch says. "I'd like you to meet my daughter, Sunny."

I kneel down in front of her and stick out my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sunny. My name's Peeta."

She gives me a shy grin and points to her mouth. "I have a loose tooth!"

"That's awesome!" I say, giving her a grin.

Haymitch looks out the window. "I think out best bet is to head out now."

I nod in agreement. Katniss manages to sit up and I speak. "What about the sniper?"

"We'll have to run." Haymitch says.

Katniss attempts to stand, but her knees buckle from the drug still coursing through her veins. I walk over and pick her up, looking into her glossy eyes. I press my lips into her hair and turn around to see Sunny on Gale's back, giggling.

Haymitch starts to order people around. "Johanna, take the front by three to five feet. Hawthorne, follow her, than Odair, than bread boy, and I'll bring up the back. Questions? I hope not, because if you have any I'm not answering.''

And so we run. Run as fast as we can, knowing lives are on the line. Gunshots ring out constantly, ricocheting off the pavement at impossible angles and causing friction sparks to fly and unwelcome heat to flare up. A low whirling sound appears overhead and I force my legs into covering more ground as the sound registers.

A hovercraft.

I run faster than I ever thought I could, but in the end, it's too little, too late. Between the extra weight of Katniss, only having half of one leg, and sheer exhaustion, there's nothing I can do as the net is cast over Katniss, Haymitch and I. After we're inside and mere nanoseconds before the brick comes down on my skull, I realize one final thing.

This is the beginning of the end.


	16. Sacrifice

**A/N: First of all, I'm so sorry for the lack of updating! Everything has been crazy and I haven't had much time to write :( Hence the short chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_Peeta's POV_

When I come to, the first thing I notice is how dark it is. I push myself up and partially off the cold stone floor, willing my eyes to adjust.

An eerily familiar voice booms out from the darkness. "Welcome to the capitol."

"Who are you?" I demand.

The figure steps nearer as a light flashes on. I instantly recognize the man.

"President Snow." I greet, my voice oozing with sarcastic pleasure. "What an honor to have crossed paths with you yet again."

He chuckles. "Ah, yes, Peeta, always the charming one." Another light clicks on, this one directly overhead. Several men take me by the arms before I have a chance to respond and I'm thrust into a metal chair. I immediately try to move, but I find that it has a current running through it that's identical to the one on the Tribute Hovercraft ladder, leaving me frozen. President Snow makes a swooping motion with his right arm and Katniss is brought in, confined to another chair just like mine.

"Peeta!" She screams, the desperation clearly evident in her voice.

"Katniss!"

Yet another light clicks on and I see a small vat of water, contained in a clear container about five by eight feet, and about six feet high, with a lid hanging ominously to the side. The sight stirs something in Katniss, and she freezes, eyes wide and breathing labored. Something tells me that this is the infamous 'Tank'.

"Now, Mr. Mellark." Snow begins, the words falling smoothly off his tongue. "I'm going to remove the frills from this affair. You give us useful information or Katniss gets to go, well, we'll call it swimming_." _

Nearly a decade ago, when I was just eight years old, my father told my brothers and a story about a brave man who lived long ago. His name was Valant, and he was born a prince, destined to rule the land. He met the fairest lady in all the land, and they were betrothed. A terrible witch broke free from her prison, and cast a spell over the land, sucking every last drop of water from kingdom. Valant set out on a long and troublesome journey, encountering many dangers along the way. He finds the witch at the top of a cliff in the dead of a stormy night; holding the antidote for the spell in one hand, and his bound and gagged fiancée in the other. The witch offered him a choice: the antidote or the woman he loved.

He took the antidote.

_"Why'd he do that, daddy?" _I had asked, knowing even at that age that had I been granted the choice I would've chosen that Katniss would live.

_"Well, Peeta," _My father's voice was full of wisdom. _"Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good, even though it might be hard." _

Sacrifice, indeed.

"Well?" Snow's voice is icily smooth.

I swallow hard. "I don't know anything."

"Shame."

Two burly men come and pick her up, an awful noise coming from the chair, much like the _crack!_ Of nearby lightning. A scream unwillingly tears its way out of her throat and I start to see the flaws in my plan.

They will do anything it takes to succeed.

* * *

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Clearly they weren't talking about emotional suffrage.

I've lost a leg. I've been stung by tracker jackers. I've survived two Hunger Games. Technically, I've even died. But watching Katniss in 'the tank' is by far the worst thing I've ever witnessed.

She's trying, anyone can see that. She bites down on her fist, trying to contain a scream, a sob, a cry for help. But it's out of her control, and a plea breaks free from her mouth.

"Peeta!'' She begs, her voice strained with pain. Her next request was not one I was expecting. "Please! Don't tell them anything." The lid closes again and she's forced back into complete submersion as they pump more electricity through it. Her limbs flail wildly and her mouth opens in a scream, silenced by the water. I grit my teeth and close my eyes, trying to ignore the harsh reality going on around me. But I can't. For what comes across as days I watch Katniss suffer in agony.

Finally, we're tossed (Or, much to my dismay, in Katniss' case, kicked) in a dark, moldy room that barely qualifies as a room. It's just barely wide enough for the two of us, and if I were to lie down flat on my back, I'd have to bend my knees to fit. Katniss is limp, mumbling incoherently to herself. I sit up against the wall and pull her semi-conscious form onto my lap.

All the effort shes putting into trying to communicate is wearing her out. "P-p-peeta-aa." She gets out.

I shush her. "Don't talk. It's alright. I'm fine. You're going to be."

"Don't tell them anything.'' She whimpers, slipping away.

A look of pain flits across my face. I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm so scared. Scared that I could lose her. Scared of having to see her in pain again.

"I won't."

* * *

**A/N: Yep, I know, that was a crappy attempt at writing something dark and creepy. I would love a critique! Even if it's just 'You suck'. I'm always looking for ways to improve, seeing as I've only been writing for a few months :) **


	17. The Promise

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for the complete lack of updating, I've been insanely busy! I swear I'm going to start updating more! **

**WARNING:**** Mentions of rape and forced prostitution. Nothing descriptive(at all), and it should stay in line with the T rating, but if you're younger and/or squeamish, skip the part in Peeta's POV. **

_Katniss' POV_

I wake up with a cry of pain. Something heavy has just landed on me, and it's making my body feel as though it's made of fire. A familiar scent wafts from the object.

"Haymitch,'' I say through gritted teeth. "Off."

Peeta, ever worried of my well being, drags me up from under our mentor and onto his lap, and I suck air harshly through my teeth at the sudden movement. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness by now and I can see the pain that flickers through his eyes as he presses his lips to my forehead.

''Gag." Haymitch mutters. "It's bad enough being in this tight of space, but then you two have to start making out…"

"We are not making out." I grumble, scowling.

Silence fills the air, and my eyes flutter about the walls and I suddenly see why they put us in here as something dawns on me.

"This was my cell."

I feel Peeta tighten his grip around me and I push myself closer to his upright chest as his eyes take in the sheer number of words, and I know he's thinking of all the blood I had to lose to decorate the walls.

Haymitch speaks up. "What've they done to you two?"

"Put me in the tank." I say flatly, fighting off the images that fight their way into my head.

A moment of silence follows before Peeta speaks up. "What about you?"

"Footage." He says guardedly.

"Of?" I prod.

"Stuff."

Peeta fills in the blanks. "Effie.''

Haymitch looks away and folds his arms.

I guess that wasn't the full extent. "And Maysillie."

He speaks up. "Yeah. And footage of you. Of proof of the arsenal of torture devices they have."

I think back. _Mutts, roses, knives, the tank. _

I start to shake.

_Salt filled floggings, jabber jays. _

I put my hands over my ears to block out the raven like bird's screams.

_Both my little toes cut off, the peacekeepers slowly sawing through the bone as they savor the moment. _

My knees come up to my chest as tears start to pool in my eyes.

_A syringe full of poison is pressed into my arm, the effect immediate. I sway on my feet, head spinning as I collapse, puking up water. _

"Where's Katniss? Come on out, stay with me." Peeta's voice fills my ears as he rocks me as well as he can in the small space. I shudder as the images reach their climax, making me whimper. Peeta's arms come closer, rescuing me from the prison of memories. I'm still shaking as my hands pull themselves away from my ears and my legs uncurl. I breathe deeply as Peeta strokes my back, giving me some comfort. Just then the door is opened and a cup of water and a very stale piece of bread is deposited into the cell as I am taken out if it. I fight the hands taking my away from Peeta, from my solace, but in the end it's futile, I cannot escape.

* * *

_Peeta's POV_

What must be over a day later, Katniss is back thrown in the cell. She falls on top of me and I wrap my arms around her, relieved.

"I was so worried." I whisper. "I thought they killed you."

"I wasn't that lucky." She says.

My eyes scroll down from her face and I notice for the first time that she's in nothing but very skimpy set of underwear. Embarrassed, I take off my shirt and offer it to her. She accepts, and I have to admit that I like the way it falls softly to the middle of her thighs, serenading her curves.

Haymitch speak. "They sold you."

"Yeah." Her voice is soft. "Yeah." Her voice is stronger now. "They did." Her eyes find her folded hands. "And then President Snow raped me."

Haymitch's hard exterior falls as I hold Katniss close to me. All I want now is revenge. How _dare_ he? This is not professional. This is not him trying to keep his power. This is him toying with us. I stand, beating my fists against the walls and cursing. Katniss is quiet as she curls into a ball and Haymitch is the one who comforts her.

"Kid." He says, pulling me out of my rage. "Quit it, you're scaring her."

"I'm not scared." She insists, her voice betraying her and cracking.

"You could be carrying his kid inside of you _right now_." I hiss.

Her face pales. "I-I no! No, no I can't!"

"You can't." Haymitch says. "Didn't they inject you with something before your auction?"

She nods. "That was birth control?"

"Yep." He says. "Wouldn't want our little money maker having to take time off, now would we?"

We all relax a little, but I'm still a bundle of rage.

A promise fills the air. "I'm going to kill him."

I will stop at nothing.

* * *

**A/N: If you've read all of this; THANK YOU. You honestly have no idea how much you mean to me. At all. Please, leave a review (it doesn't have to be nice), because I personally want to thank each and every one of you :)**


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